Why You Should Never Eat Lutefisk


Lutefisk is an abomination that proves Evil still stalks the land. It offends and destroys all the senses.

Sight: It looks like boogers or broiled phlegm.

Smell: It reeks like a rat decomposing under the cellar furnace.

Touch: It has the lovely consistency of a corpse’s innards that have finally exploded in the hot summer Sun, but you’re a dectective and have to search through the body with your glove-covered hands to find the bullet that the killer used to commit this cowardly murder.

Taste: Oh gosh, you’ll want to set your razor to its highest level and shave off your taste buds off your tongue just to prevent tasting the next bite.

Sound: After eating lutefisk, just the mere mention of it will set off PTSS.

It’s been a half century since I had lutefisk. Not enough time has elapsed.

I give up lutefisk every year for Lent. I have a will of iron. I have never even been tempted to backslide.

If you ever are invited to a dinner when lutefisk is served, my I suggest that you join the French Foreign Legion and politely send your regrets from some combat zone.

Chef Paulfrontcoverscan


Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

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3 thoughts on “Why You Should Never Eat Lutefisk”

  1. TRAITOR!!!!!!!
    Not only are you besmirching your Lutheran heritage, but you are insulting a proud Wisconsin tradition. Your villainous rant on one of our most beloved foods has violated the secret oath you signed in kindergarten to never slander this most precious of Norwegian gifts to the world. Remember- were it not for your Scandinavian ancestors eating lutefisk in the dark, dead of their boreal winters they would never have survived to come to America to bear you and to settle those frigid northern states that no other sane immigrant would go near.
    You realize once I present this debauched article to the Wisconsin Secret Police that you will never be able to cross the border into our most beloved of states. Serves you right HERETIC!

    Plus- if I have to eat it so do you!!!!

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