Loser for Hire
I love playing sports. My friends love to play me in sports, too. For years I thought it was because they enjoyed my company. They later told me that I tend to get on their […]
Tag: sports
Is your self-esteem a little too positive? Why not try golf?
When I’m feeling a little too good about myself – a little too self-assured – nothing brings me back down to earth, to my normal state of self-loathing and despair, like five hours of nonstop […]
Our Deflated Football Expectations
Yes, I know all the footballs have been flattened and stacked away for the winter … I’m on a monthly schedule now, and you’re seeing this about five weeks after I wrote it. Besides, […]
Admit It. This Is Why We Watch Sports On TV.
Imagine for a moment that Freud came back to life and landed a job on Sports Center. Sitting there in an unimaginably shiny suit, he’d probably tell us that pro-sports offer humans a mechanism to […]
Tackling Smutty Football Terminology 101
It’s football season once again, and if you’re like me – not a football aficionado – all of the game phraseology is Greek to you. That’s why I decided to bone up on the lingo. […]
At Least The Cubs Never Lost To Belgium
SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK I was going to make fun of soccer last week, until I realized I’d never actually watched a soccer game. It wasn’t fair, poking fun of something I had no […]
Not a Sterling Personality
SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK So there’s this rich guy named Donald Sterling, who told his half-black girlfriend that he doesn’t like black people. And even though he said it behind the doors of […]
Unicorn Bites 2/9/14
It’s cute how Canada gets to send athletes to the Olympics just like a real country. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 9, 2014 The Winter Olympics: The 2 weeks when for some reason I suddenly […]
Unicorn Bites 1/31/14
I spent two minutes waving my arms at a motion-activated light before I realized the switch was off. Expect great things from me today. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 31, 2014 No, I won’t tell […]
Football Sunday Catheterization
Every beer drinking football fan knows that you don’t buy beer, you just rent it. What goes in, must come out. Are you tired of missing game winning plays on TV because you’re standing over a […]