Smoke’em If You Got’em
Today in Seattle dozens of people lit up their doobies without the threat of being arrested for smoking marijuana in public. Yes, smoking marijuana is now legal for adults over 21 in Washington State. However, […]
Category: Everyday Life
Open Letter to the Makers of Elf on the Shelf
To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for creating the Elf on the Shelf franchise of books, cookies, plush dolls, DVDs…etc. which enable parents such as my wife and me the privilege of paying $29.95 to […]
We got legitimately raped out of a seat at this bakery
During this last election, single women took a beating. Not like a Chris Brown beating, but a verbal beatdown. And by the end of it, they were pretty much labeled whores for voting for Obama, […]
Chicks With Guns
I saw on the news that gun manufacturers are starting to market their guns to women. They started making pink guns and even a gun with the breast cancer ribbon on it. And why not? […]
I’m Not Dead Yet
Hello. In case you don’t remember me, allow me to re-introduce myself. I’m that prick you all love to hate. If you’re new here, I’m excited to make you hate me. It’s been awhile since […]
Aquacise Class: No Easy Dunk in the Pool
I volunteered to go to an aquacise class with a friend from yoga because she hurt her calf playing tennis and couldn’t do any other exercise for a few weeks. I love the water, so […]
I Could’ve Been Dr. Phil
This might surprise you, but I was not invited to Oprah Winfrey’s two-day party that celebrated her 25-year-old show ending. I’m sure I would have enjoyed hanging out with people like Aretha Franklin, Tom Cruise, […]
Joe Biden’s Costco Adventure
“I’m looking for pies,” handsome Joe told Ivey Stewart (left), who was put in charge of ushering Biden’s shopping spree through Costco. Reports list among his shopping cart items: kid’s books, Duraflames (fuck yeah), a 32 […]
OH HOLY CRAP! A Personal Recollection of My Family’s Christmas Tradition.
Before I got married my family maiden name was Simpson. Yes Simpson, like Fox Network cartoon family. Just like the show there were five of us. My dad Ted and my mom Margaret and yes […]
Women Brawl at Boxer’s Funeral
A catfight broke out at the funeral of Hector “Macho” Camacho between two women who both claimed to be the deceased boxer’s “true” girlfriend. The brawl began when one woman was outraged at another woman […]