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Death Notice You Will Never Read

June 6, 2011
By

A boy was found dead yesterday. He was a student at Miller Elementary. Teachers really didn’t know much about him. He was not a very good student and did not talk to many people. He…

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The Truck Driver in the Trailer Park

June 6, 2011
By

The trailer park houses a lot of different characters. They come in all shapes and sizes and sexual orientation. This is my story of Rickie, the gay truck driver who lives in the park. I…

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A Lesson Learned

June 6, 2011
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A Lesson Learned

It’s about 5:45pm and the girlfriend walks in the front door, she’s coming home from work. Her arrival occurs as I am walking out of the bathroom… my pants are unzipped and a tuft of…

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An NFL Moment

June 6, 2011
By

NFL player Plaxico Burress was released from prison today. So his status has changed from “locked up” to “locked out”.

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The Sexy Robot — Have Relationships Come to This?

June 6, 2011
By

Shopping for a man’s gift always presents a challenge. Sure there are the golf clubs, the practical-yet-always-welcome-case of beer, the 52-inch dream TV, but for some men, these popular gifts are not enough. Some men…

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Blue M & M’s

June 5, 2011
By

Mother Nature must be a man. Who else would play this mid-life trick on women? Women lose their sex drive and men get Viagra. I’d like to thank the pharmaceutical industry for their complicity. I’m…

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Happy Endings

June 5, 2011
By

 I’m gonna open a massage parlor called “Happy Endings.” I’ll show Disney movies during your session, followed by a hand job..

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How to Buy a NEW Used Car

June 5, 2011
By
How to Buy a NEW Used Car

I was sick a couple of weeks ago when I walked into a used car dealership. I had just come out of the hospital with a combination asthma, bronchitis, and pneumonia attack, so I wasn’t…

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A Slightly Less Modest Proposal

June 5, 2011
By

I’m tired of all these needy people, always refusing to take responsibility for themselves, and crying at the slightest discomfort. Babies should just grow up already. They’re bald and toothless, anti-social, and they can’t give…

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The Midnight Ride of Sarah Palin

June 5, 2011
By

Being a man who has made a meager living writing revisionist history in my award-winning American History series—a series no less an authority than my wife refers to as “that stupid shit you write”—I know…

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Statements Made by the Slightly Inebriated

June 4, 2011
By

Have you ever walked into a bar at closing time?  It can be a humorous event. By the time last call is announced and the patrons have tossed their car keys in the Need-A-Cab basket…

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A Little (very little) Jocular American Humor

June 4, 2011
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A Little (very little) Jocular American Humor

  Humor is as old as mankind itself.  It is likely that cave dwellers, while hunting for food, would play a prank on the youngest member by somehow getting him to step in or apply…

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First Date, Current Girlfriend

June 4, 2011
By

We first met at a restaurant which is now one of our favorite places to visit. As a man, a former bleeding heart bachelor, stating that “we” have a favorite place makes me die a…

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Come on Baby, Light my Fire — Again?

June 4, 2011
By
Come on Baby, Light my Fire — Again?

  I started to make spaghetti sauce. I was browning garlic in olive oil when the phone rang. It was a person I was trying to interview for an article for the past week. Immediately,…

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Politics of Change

June 3, 2011
By

Politics are so boring. I think we need to spice things up, and pass into law a WWE style cage match instead of the endless droning that currently happens on the floor of Congress —…

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I’m Really Sorry

June 3, 2011
By

Dear World – It’s come to my attention that perhaps I’ve been a bit naive. You see, I just assumed that everyone had my extraordinary gift. I was living life under the false pretense that…

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The Nintendo Generation

June 3, 2011
By
The Nintendo Generation

My girlfriend and I are in the waiting room at a Denver hospital… needless to say, we are waiting. At the other end of this particular wing is the oncology ward and as you can…

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Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Am I my Mother After All?

June 3, 2011
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Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Am I my Mother After All?

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Am I my mother after all? Crap. “How could this happen?” I sobbed. Except there I was in the bathroom holding one of the jars of face cream she gave…

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A Social Network to Track our Coughing, Sneezing and Wheezing

June 3, 2011
By
A Social Network to Track our Coughing, Sneezing and Wheezing

When someone asks “How are you?”, do  you take that as an invitation to complain about everything wrong in your life?  Do you believe that the world cares about your every ache and pain? Is…

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Trip to Walmart

June 2, 2011
By

I went to Walmart a few weeks ago, because they were having a sale on wife beaters. Not actually people who beat wives, even though I’m sure they work there, but white tank tops. They…

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Personhood

June 2, 2011
By

Some abortion foes have continued to push for the defining of “personhood” at the moment of fertilization. “When the sperm meets the egg.” If this movement is successful, a woman could be charged with murder…

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New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle


New Release
The Astounding Misadventures of Rory Collins
By Brian Kiley and HumorOutcasts Press

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New Release
Rats, Mice, And Other Things You Can't Take to The Bank: An Inspirational Collection of Essays from Humorous to Simply Human
By Leslie Handler. and HumorOutcasts Press

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