Blog Archives

Man Severely Overestimates Walking Ability, Loses Object of Affection

February 18, 2015
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Man Severely Overestimates Walking Ability, Loses Object of Affection

LEITH, SCOTLAND – Local man Craig Ross recently just completed a lengthy journey of nearly 1000 miles on foot to secure the love of an area woman. Unfortunately, the man severely overestimated his walking ability…

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Nobel Prize-Winning Physicists Giving Award to Beyonce, “Don’t Want Any Trouble, Man”

February 12, 2015
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Nobel Prize-Winning Physicists Giving Award to Beyonce, “Don’t Want Any Trouble, Man”

Recent Nobel Prize in Physics winners Isamu Akasaki, Hiroshi Amano, and Shuji Nakamura have announced that they are giving their award to Beyonce. The award was bestowed upon the men for their groundbreaking work in…

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Sherman Child Born, Declares Self the “Best Baby Ever”

February 5, 2015
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Sherman Child Born, Declares Self the “Best Baby Ever”

Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman and girlfriend Ashley Moss welcomed their young son Rayden into the world Thursday morning, who promptly intercepted an attempted slap to his backside, shouting, “I’m the best baby in the…

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Authorities Find Useless Ingredients on Supplement Labels Not Even in Bottles

February 3, 2015
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Authorities Find Useless Ingredients on Supplement Labels Not Even in Bottles

The New York State attorney general’s office announced the results of a long term investigation targeting many popular brands of herbal supplements at popular retailers. Their tests showed that the vast majority of the supplements…

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Jerry Jones To Enter Own Name In Dallas Cowboys Ring of Honor

January 23, 2015
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Jerry Jones To Enter Own Name In Dallas Cowboys Ring of Honor

Jerry Jones announced recently that he will soon be entering his own name in the Dallas Cowboys Ring of Honor around the team’s home field inside AT&T Stadium. This will place his name among those…

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Mangled Shark Attack Victim Comforted By Fact That Shark Attacks Are Rare

December 29, 2014
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Mangled Shark Attack Victim Comforted By Fact That Shark Attacks Are Rare

Surfer Jim Ross is lucky to be alive today after being attacked yesterday by a great white shark along the California coast. Airlifted to a local treatment center and reached some time after regaining consciousness,…

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Santa Screws Jewish Kids On Christmas Once Again

December 25, 2014
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Santa Screws Jewish Kids On Christmas Once Again

Once again, for as many years as can be remembered, Santa Claus traveled the entire world in one night, spreading good cheer and leaving presents for good girls and boys, but did not deliver a…

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Millions of Shelf Elves Recalled To North Pole After Shocking Report

December 22, 2014
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Millions of Shelf Elves Recalled To North Pole After Shocking Report

Millions of elves on the shelf were recalled to the North Pole after a blistering report surfaced which uncovered a staggering number of illicit activities performed in a clandestine fashion under cover of night. According…

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Dick Cheney Visited By Three Ghosts, Had Them Waterboarded

December 11, 2014
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Dick Cheney Visited By Three Ghosts, Had Them Waterboarded

Former Vice President Dick Cheney recently revealed that he was, at some point, visited by three ghosts. The ghosts had claimed to have some information that could help the Vice President, so as a result,…

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Peter Jackson to Direct Tolkien’s Fourth Grade Theme Paper in Three Epic Installments

December 3, 2014
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Peter Jackson to Direct Tolkien’s Fourth Grade Theme Paper in Three Epic Installments

In quite a shock to the entertainment industry, Peter Jackson has announced that he will be directing the upcoming cinematic adaptation of J.R.R Tolkien’s Fourth Grade Theme Paper, “What I Want For Christmas” in three…

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