Fettuccine And Outer Space Dining | HumorOutcasts

Fettuccine And Outer Space Dining

August 7, 2018
By

Vatican Entree

FETTUCCINE ALLA PAPALINA

INGREDIENTS

1 pound fettuccine
3 eggs
3 tablespoons cream
1¼ cups freshly grated Parmesan cheese*
1 medium onion
¼ cup butter
5 ounces diced or cubed pancetta, or cubed, uncooked ham
1 teaspoon pepper**
1 teaspoon salt

* = This dish was originally created for Pope Pius XII. His chef used the best ingredients. So, if you are having the pope over for dinner, you really should try to use Parmesan-Reggiano. And even if you aren’t having His Holiness over to dine, your guests will appreciate being placed at his level of importance. However, your grocery store might not stock Parmesan-Reggiano. In this case, use regular Parmesan. The pope will understand. He is a kind and humble man.

** = This dish is supposed to be peppery. The amount of pepper used should be near the upper range for your taste.

Serves 6. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook fettuccine according to instructions on package. Set aside in a large serving bowl when done. Add eggs, cream, and Parmesan cheese to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Mince onion. Add onion and butter to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until onion is quite soft. Stir occasionally. Add pancetta to pan. Simmer on low-medium heat for 4 minutes. Stir occasionally.

Pour egg/cream/Parmesan mixture to noodles in serving bowl. Add pepper and salt. Toss noodles until thoroughly coated and the cheese has completely melted. Add onion/pancetta mix to noodles. Mix with fork until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) This dish is difficult to cook in zero gravity. So, no astronaut has ever made this pasta. The moon, however, possesses a weak gravitational field. So, any pasta, and pancetta would, more or less, stay put. Unfortunately, water on the moon evaporates, so this dish can’t be made there either. However, the International Space Station is an enclosed environment and is designed to rotate just fast enough to trick the fettuccine alla papalina into believing gravity exists there.

Chef Paul

frontcoverscanCheck out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

Paul De Lancey

Paul De Lancey writes in multiple genres: adventure, westerns, morality, time travel, thriller, and culinary, all spiced with zaniness. He is a frequent contributor to HumorOutcasts. His novels "Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms?" "Beneficial Murders," "We’re French and You’re Not," and "The Fur West" and his cookbook Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World have won acclaim from award-winning authors. Paul is also the writer of hilarious articles and somewhat drier ones in Economics. Dr. De Lancey obtained his Doctorate in Economics from the University of Wisconsin. His thesis, “Official Reserve Management and Forecasts of Official Reserves,” disappears from bookstore shelves so quickly that most would-be purchasers can never find it in stock. Paul, known to his friends as Paul, was the proud co-host of the online literary events Bump Off Your Enemies, The Darwin Murders, and Tasteful Murders. He also co-collected, co-edited, and co-published the e-book anthologies resulting from these events. Perhaps Mr. De Lancey will someday become a literary giant without having to die for the title. The humorist is a direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. Actually, that explains a lot of things. Paul ran for President of the United States in 2012! Woo hoo! On the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Estimates of Bacon & Chocolate’s share of the votes range from 3 to 1.5% of the total. El Candidato also lost a contentious campaign to be El Presidente of Venezuela. In late 2013, Chef Paul participated in the International Bento Competition. The great statesman is again running for president, this time under HumorOutcasts’ sponsorship. Contact Paul before he gets elected to get that ambassadorship to Tahiti you’ve always wanted. Mr. De Lancey makes his home, with his wonderful family, in Poway, California. He divides his time between being awake and asleep. His books are available at: www.lordsoffun.com and amazon.com.

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