Year: 2019
Now with 30% more wit and sarcasm! … but no quinoa
Rice Chex cereal has always been 100 percent rice, but now it boasts that it’s gluten-free. It never had gluten. But now that gluten is on the no-fly list, being gluten-free is a bragging point. […]
BREAKING NEWS: Canada Announces Plans to Build Southern Border Wall
Ottawa – Today, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau delivered a landmark speech to the combined chambers of the Canadian Parliament. He announced his plans to erect a 50-foot-tall wall along the entire length of the […]
A Walk on the Wild Side With an Eco-Hockey Enforcer
A Boston Bruins defenseman was named an “Eco-Warrior” by National Geographic magazine for his environmental sensitivity. The Boston Herald “You gonna pick up that non-biodegradable cup, or am I gonna have to pound the crap outta […]
Lady Gaga Has Second Thoughts About Her “Do What You Want (With My Body)” Duet With R. Kelly.
Lady Gaga now regrets the song she did together with the popular pervert, proliferator of pubescent pornography and deflowerer of underage girls and perhaps small furry animals R. Kelly. The Ga now says of her […]
No Time for Esuohites
Life hands us some real winners sometimes. Me, I have a family of Esuohites living in the crawl space under my front porch. No, I don’t know how they got there. I haven’t asked them. […]
Godzilla Vs. Liam Neeson
While the New Year promises many good things, we must keep in mind that certain human behaviors never evolve. I’m talking about our stubborn and unhealthy habit of underestimating Godzilla and Liam Neeson. This was […]
Nice Winters, and Other Strange Concepts
We had such a nice, warm winter going on there. (Well … when you say “nice winter”, that’s always relative. But in northern Indiana, if the temperature stays above freezing for any amount of time […]