The Ugly Duckling Turned Into Me
I was a homely tomboy, tall for my age, skinny, awkward, painfully shy and afraid of everything from other kids to nuclear bombs. I was also scared of black widow spiders. I never saw a […]
Tag: funny stories
Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls of Fire!
Last evening, I made red beans and rice for dinner. For a kick, I added a fresh jalapeno from my garden to the pot. I deseeded, sliced, diced, and chopped. I was very careful to […]
Request to Cancel Service: More Fun With Microsoft Word Templates
DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance in this piece to any corporation or any person, alive or dead, is purely accidental. The author (i.e. me) made this all up. I’m good at that. ____________________ This first emailed letter […]
Mummified Meatballs and Other Clueless Cuisine
Most of the time, I hate cooking. It’s a lot of trouble and you have to clean up afterward, which is even more trouble than cooking. Result: a lot of takeout and a lot of […]
The Great Handbag Exchange
Sometimes it’s not easy being a woman on this ball of hardship that we call Planet Earth. Women face a multitude of challenges every day. From holding down a career to operating a washing machine, […]
Opera for People Who Don’t Like It
Conductor, noun (kǝn dǝk tǝr): A musician who plays no instrument, yet always gets top billing. Train Wreck, noun (trān rek): In ensemble music, the condition that results when one of the players or singers […]
A Catholic Kid’s Semi-Rotten Childhood: Catholics vs. Everybody Else
In the 50s and 60s, we Catholics divided the human race into two groups: Catholics and non-Catholics. Non-Catholics included Christians of other denominations, which we lumped together under “Protestants.”* We didn’t know the difference between […]
The Secret Fat Diary
I’m fat. I’m not pleasingly plump, womanly or plus sized. I’m fat. F-a-t. Fat. Period. Okay. I am big and beautiful. But that’s as far as I’ll go with the euphemisms. If it weren’t for […]
Opera for People Who Don’t Like It
Baritones and Basses Baritones are the sex gods of the opera world.* A baritone voice and hot looks seem to go together. The irony is that baritones, the hottest guys on the opera stage, are […]