Son of Cage
Along with the great unanswered questions of eastern and western philosophy, lies a question so deep and meaningful that its answer doesn’t matter. As we move forward in our busy lives full of self-importance and […]
Acceptance Speech For Sports Mom of the Year
Ladies and Gentlemen, coaches, trainers, orthopedists, x-ray technicians, the guys who created the Maps app on my phone, and my therapist, Kendall Jackson: I humbly thank you for this honor. Thank you for acknowledging my […]
Definition of Bliss
The surreal moment when you find out your high school valedictorian dropped out of college and became a biker chick.
Monkey Business
The main challenge for voters during a congressional election is determining whether or not a candidate actually cares about his constituents. Some politicians truly embrace public service, but many view Congress primarily as a spring-board […]
Vengeance is Mine Sayeth Bill O’Reilly
Bill O’Reilly was allegedly so angered by his ex-wife’s marriage to a Nassau County, NY detective that he used his celebrity and monetary influence with the NYC archdiocese to get his wife officially reprimanded, which […]
Want to Be a Driver’s Ed Teacher? – NO THANK YOU!
In my Sophomore year of high school, I, along with every other 15-year-old I knew, took Driver’s Ed. The class itself was easy. The driving, on the other hand – well, that’s the story you […]
The Past aka Happier Times
If there’s one thing I’m really good at, it’s time mismanagement. Between Bon Jovi hating, work, lavishing Jill Y with shoes, convincing the world I’m a genius and trying to figure out how magnets work, […]
College Days and Nights
Part One: Getting There To most people, the years spent at college are like an extended rite of passage. Unlike those imposed by primitive societies, college students don’t have to learn to hunt with poisoned […]
See Ryan Seacrest without his beard!
Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough have apparently broken up. I’m not sure why, but ABC News has in-depth coverage of the breakup, with a one-minute-and-44-second segment dedicated to a couple half of America probably didn’t […]
The Trouble With Rats (Part 2)
It had been about a week since I had consulted with a professional, scrapped my soy butter, and laid down the forbidden peanut butter snacks-of-death for my uninvited guest rats. So I donned some latex […]