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I Really Know How to F Up My Kid!

August 24, 2011
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I Really Know How to F Up My Kid!

The family went to the planetarium in Philadelphia this week. My parents were in town, I had a day off and the kids wanted to see the mummy exhibit. Well, my 8-year-old daughter did. My…

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A Briefer, Intelligenter History of Time, Part Two

August 24, 2011
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In our last installment, God created the universe. He worked his way up the food chain until he drove his greatest idea, dinosaurs, firmly into the ground. So far into the ground, in fact, that…

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Does the Government Have a Secret Weapon that Causes Natural Disasters?

August 24, 2011
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Does the Government Have a Secret Weapon that Causes Natural Disasters?

The shaking and rattling is not quite over and already conspiracy theorists are lining up to give their version of why the Virginia-centered earthquake hit.  And before I go on with this, let me tell…

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Recent Tragedies: Analyzing the Data

August 24, 2011
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2001: 9/11: 3000 dead 2005: Hurricane Katrina: 1800 dead 2011: Virginia earthquake: Hundreds of startled pets After examining the data, Pat Robertson was quoted as saying, “I have to admit, it looks like God seems…

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Is Rick Perry “Unpresidential”?

August 23, 2011
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Rick Perry has recently come under fire for saying things that, like suggesting bodily harm to Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke for his fiscal policy, have been called “unpresidential”. At a recent speech, Perry deflected…

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Earthquake Philly Style

August 23, 2011
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Does anyone wonder why Philly has a chip on its shoulder? We are never mentioned in news reports.  Today, with the earthquake, the reports mentioned   Virginia — obviously because that is where the quake…

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Earthquake Near D.C.

August 23, 2011
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Chaos from New York City to Atlanta. In Washington D.C. phone lines are down and it marks the first time in my pre-pubescent life that I have wanted anything from D.C. to go down on…

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Is there a Q in Qadhafi?

August 23, 2011
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Is there a Q in Qadhafi?

Now that Moammar Gadhafi is on his way out, one of the greatest mysteries of the world will be solved:  how does he really spell his name?  For years, we have seen various spellings from…

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Tree of Fertility

August 22, 2011
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A 746-year-old fresco called the “Tree of Fertility” used to have what experts say were a number of penises festooning over a group of nine women.  Unfortunately, the tree was castrated in a restoration process,…

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A letter to the British People on the Occasion of our Royal Wedding – Kim Kardashian

August 21, 2011
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A letter to the British People on the Occasion of our Royal Wedding – Kim Kardashian

Dear British People: We in America know that you British had the wedding of the century. Allow me to reassure you that we do not resent the pageantry and celebration.  In fact, we are jealous.…

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Tea Party Brains

August 21, 2011
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If you’re not sure what the Tea Party’s platform is, you should educate yourself by renting Idiocracy this weekend.

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Tied What Kind of Knot?

August 21, 2011
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Tied What Kind of Knot?

The headlines today are “Kim Kardashian Ties the Knot”. Really? This is news? What kind of knot did she really tie? Have you ever looked up knot in the urban dictionary? Now I know what they…

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Buried Treasures

August 20, 2011
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Buried Treasures

I saw a preview on TV for a new show called Buried Treasure. The idea is that two world-famous antique dealers search American homes in search of–yes, you guess it–buried treasure. In the previews, we…

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Michelle Bachmann Philosophy II

August 19, 2011
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Michelle Bachmann says we should fear the rise of the Soviet Union, as well as the attack of the Gay Bigfoot Monsters.

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The Humorous Side of Diarrhea

August 19, 2011
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Okay, I know what you’re thinking, diarrhea?  How can there ever be a humorous side to this, pardon the pun, shitty condition.  Let me explain.  As human beings we have two types of bowel issues. …

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More Rick Perry

August 18, 2011
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Good news: Rick Perry already showing the country how dumb he is… Bad news: Dumb people do not seem to notice.

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Rick Perry: No Smarter Than a Texas 5th Grader

August 18, 2011
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Rick Perry: No Smarter Than a Texas 5th Grader

I think we’re going to get a lot of mileage out of Perry’s foot-in-mouth remarks during this presidential campaign While pressing the flesh in New Hampshire in his campaign for the presidency, Rick Perry of…

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Michelle Bachmann Philosophy

August 18, 2011
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Michelle Bachmann wants to bring back $2 gas. She also wants to make Asian people pull rickshaws to rebuild a good old fashioned work ethic.

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Vampire Blood

August 18, 2011
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If you leave a little vial of blood in your front yard in an attempt to catch a vampire, congratulations, you’ve just monster bated.

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George Clooney, John Stamos, Dannon Yogurt and Facebook

August 18, 2011
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George Clooney, John Stamos, Dannon Yogurt and Facebook

Sometimes, I need to have sound in the background as I work.  I attribute this need to my days working in a newsroom where nothing was quiet.  Anyway, yesterday, I put on the TV and…

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A Briefer, Intelligenter History of Time, Part One

August 18, 2011
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So, I was at the gym–minding my own business, trying to make women in spandex return my eye contact–when one of my friends mentioned a post I wrote about primatologists experimenting with advertisements for monkeys.…

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How to Write and Share Humor
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