Who Knew News Report | HumorOutcasts

Who Knew News Report

March 4, 2017

This week in the news, sources report the new Commander in Chief has a somewhat low tolerance for things that don’t go his way and a juvenile level of self paranoia. He blames everyone for everything that goes wrong – period.  Last week he blamed Hillary Clinton for taking the last of the poppy seed bagels from his favorite bagel shop, forcing him to choose a whole grain bagel. This week he blames President Obama for wire tapping his Xbox something or other.

I, for one, am fed up with this infernal POTUS blame game and decided to launch my own clandestine investigation.  Here are a few tirades I’ve received from a blabber-mouth White House informant with the initials Stephen K Bannon:

  1. Missing Ice Cream Sprinkles – “All the red, white and blue sprinkles are gone! I’ve got nothing but rainbow sprinkles for my vanilla softy cone!” He suspects Joe Biden had something to do with this.
  2. Gum Stuck to his Left Shoe – “The damn crap won’t come off! Trust me I tried everything. Not even Kellyanne Conway’s razor sharp tongue could scrap it off.” He believes Bernie Sanders and Chuck Schumer had it strategically placed outside his White House walkway.  Security is still reviewing video from walkway cameras.
  3. Crank Calls to the Oval Office – “I know its Elizabeth Warren and Tim Kaine. They ask for orange. I say orange who, [giggling] then they say orange you pissed we didn’t vote for you, and hang up!” White House Security also suspects Pee Wee Herman and Bart Simpson. This is an ongoing investigation
  4. Gherkins pickles missing from Mar-a-Lago Salad Bar – “Let me just say that I love small pickles, small pickles are terrific, simply the best. Putin, who I’ve never has any conversations with, also love small pickles or so I’ve heard from Jeff Sessions. When they’re missing, I go crazy! I will find out who’s responsible for this travesty and write an Executive Order regarding this Gherkin Fiasco! It was overheard he blames CNN, The New York Times and the Washington Post for their misrepresentation of the Missing Pickle Debacle posting the headline, Weenie Whines About His Tiny Pickle.

Tomorrow: Is Mitch McConnell cloned from the Quaker Oats Guy and what’s Putin’s Involvement?

That’s it for today’s White House news . . . Back to you Tom.



Check out more of Deb’s humor stuff and author page 

Deb Martin-Webster

After a successful career in Art Administration, at Temple University/Tyler School of Art, Deb has taken on a new challenging career as an aspiring writer. Author of short story A Hot Dog Stand in the Himalayas Deb has written her first novel published by HumorOutcasts Press titled, Love, Montana. A quick read crossing the genres of contemporary western romance and travel adventure with lots of witty humor thrown in the mix. Also check out Deb's popular HO series Friday Humor Devotional. It's prayer with an attitude.

More Posts - Twitter

Share this Post:

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 Responses to Who Knew News Report

  1. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    March 11, 2017 at 9:02 am

    I didn’t know any of this until I read the news. This trumps that fake news that trump makes up.

  2. March 6, 2017 at 3:46 pm

    I’m surprised he doesn’t roll two little steel balls in his hands and mutter about missing strawb … er, gherkins. LOL

    (I love the tiny pickle reference. The Donald can’t blame anyone for jokes like that, because he laid himself WIDE open for them! Hehehe!)

    • Deb Martin-Webster
      March 7, 2017 at 10:35 am

      I agree Kathy, filthy rich, fame craving, trophy wives guys= huge egos and tiny gherkins, lol!

User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
Lite Whines and Laughter: Mild Rants and Musings on the Mundane
By Lee Gaitan and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
It Comes From Within: Living with Bipolar Illness
By Michael Solomon. and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle