Jarod Kintz

What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He’s a loser–that’s why he’s number two.

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Random Thought 16

October 14, 2011October 15, 2011 Jarod Kintz

I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the world’s most perfect haiku.

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Random Thought 15

October 13, 2011October 13, 2011 Jarod Kintz

Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go.

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Random Thought 14

October 13, 2011October 13, 2011 Jarod Kintz

I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it.

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Random Thought 13

October 13, 2011October 13, 2011 Jarod Kintz

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.

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Random Thought 12

October 12, 2011October 13, 2011 Jarod Kintz

I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.

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Random Thought 11

October 12, 2011October 13, 2011 Jarod Kintz

I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.

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