I looked in my closet recently and noticed it was overrun with footwear that represented a score of abandoned hobbies: hiking, golfing, bicycling, dancing, running, walking, skiing, and snowmobiling. That’s when I had an epiphany: […]
Me: Ow! Why’d you hit me with your fairy wand? 3-year-old daughter: It’s a lightsaber! I’ve never gone from anger to pride so fast. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 2, 2014 3-year-old: *takes 1-year-old’s toy* […]
The U.S. Army developed a pizza that stays good for 3 years. Finally, those billions in military spending paid off. Your move, Al Qaeda. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2014 I don’t understand unhappy […]
It’s sad when you read stories about people being taken for a ride. But if this story is legit, this would be a happy event. A woman named Linda Ducharme in Florida (and this stuff […]
My wife doesn’t think pregnancy makes her crazy. I agreed with her so she would stop screaming and put down the machete. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 15, 2013 When you say, “I […]
After a lengthy multi-year study, the American Psychiatric Association has declared that you cannot tell who is crazy just by looking at them. They say that there is absolutely no correlation between looking crazy and […]
I was standing in my kitchen talking to myself when I noticed my dogs staring at me with a look of confusion if not terror. To put their minds at ease, I pulled out one […]
Rick Santorum: His name is too close to the word sanitarium – and quite frankly, he should be in one.
I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it.
I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.