If you can think of a fish pun, please let minnow.
I don’t know why I don’t like penguins but I know, I don’t like them. Our fish died and I didn’t know how to tell my girlfriend. It’s times like these, you learn to get […]
Tag: funny
Signs That a Brutal Winter is On the Way
The National Bureau of Climate Omen Readers has issued a warning that this winter will be the most severe on record. “The signs are unmistakable,” said Dr. Stan Cumulus, Director of the Bureau. “Temperatures will […]
Alex (recently single)
When I have time to think, I think thoughts. When I think thoughts, I make monumental mistakes of mammoth proportions. When I make monumental mistakes of mammoth proportions, I think of Alex (recently single) and it makes […]
Undercover Cell Phones: The New Police Weapon?
A drug dealer in Tennessee is behind bars because of a confession he voluntarily made to the police—well, sort of voluntarily. This is his tale of woe. The alleged criminal was driving merrily in his […]
Unicorn Bites 9/15/14
My 4-year-old and 2-year-old just clinked their plastic cereal bowls together and said, “Cheers.” My kids are classy as fuck. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 15, 2014 Me: Clean your room. 4-year-old: Me: What’s wrong […]
Nationhood for Congress? Vote Aye!
Should the US Congress become an independent country? In the wake of the historic vote in Scotland on whether or not to leave the United Kingdom and opt for self rule, conferring the same status on the US Congress […]
Calling All Undo-It-Yourselfers. Cast Off Your Shame and Join Us
There it goes again, the shriek of a buzz saw. My neighbor can’t stop himself. I swear he can’t go more than a day without cutting, hammering, puncturing, screwing, or smashing something. He’s driven by […]
Fake Trainers
Sometimes it’s hard to know what trainers to get. I don’t go in for all those designer label things that the sports personalities tell you to get because they cost an arm and a mortgage. […]