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Author: E. V. Erton

E. V. Erton’s career as a writer spans blogging, books and short stories, corporate communications, journalism, plays and comedy sketches, satirical essays, and TV documentaries. Possibly the best way to trace his career path is to dip a sugared-up fly with ADHD in ink, and let the insect wander around a blank sheet of paper. Comedy has long been a passion. A book of short stories and a play about George Washington crossing the River Delaware are almost ready to attract the first rejections. He would love to get involved in another comedy production and write for The Onion. He lives in Pennsylvania with his wife, two kids, and a dog called Spike who should be named Obnoxious.

Escaped School Meal Captured and Grilled by Police

September 24, 2014 E. V. Erton

A school meal that escaped from the cafeteria of a high school in suburban Philadelphia has been apprehended. The meal, thought to be from the lasagna family, was overpowered by a police S.W.A.T team. Students […]

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2 CommentsFictionfugitive school meal, funny, high school shocked, Lasagna, meal on the run, SWAT team strikes

Is the US Government Serious About Climate Change? You Betcha!

September 22, 2014 E. V. Erton

The US Government plans to announce a multi-trillion dollar program to combat climate change during this week’s world summit at the United Nations. According to Washington insiders, the plan will show the world that the […]

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4 CommentsFictionBeano for cows, climate change, controling cow farts, funny, global warming, people windpower, UN summit, world's biggest cooling fan

Signs That a Brutal Winter is On the Way

September 19, 2014 E. V. Erton

The National Bureau of Climate Omen Readers has issued a warning that this winter will be the most severe on record. “The signs are unmistakable,” said Dr. Stan Cumulus, Director of the Bureau. “Temperatures will […]

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8 CommentsFictionarctic conditions, bad winter, funny, snowplows, weather forecast, weather signs

Nationhood for Congress? Vote Aye!

September 17, 2014 E. V. Erton

Should the US Congress become an independent country? In the wake of the historic vote in Scotland on whether or not to leave the United Kingdom and opt for self rule, conferring the same status on the US Congress […]

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6 CommentsFictionfunny, lobbyists, Scotland, Scotland indepedence vote, US Congress, washington dc

Calling All Undo-It-Yourselfers. Cast Off Your Shame and Join Us

September 16, 2014 E. V. Erton

There it goes again, the shriek of a buzz saw. My neighbor can’t stop himself. I swear he can’t go more than a day without cutting, hammering, puncturing, screwing, or smashing something. He’s driven by […]

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4 CommentsFictionAK-47, building projects, buzz saw, do it yourself, funny, hammer, Home Improvement, woodwoork

Town Suing Feds Over “Death Sentence” Decision

September 12, 2014September 12, 2014 E. V. Erton

The town of Nowhere, Oregon, is suing the U.S. federal government for canceling the construction of a bridge and effectively consigning the declining community to an economic death. Nowhere is located on an island and […]

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2 CommentsFictionbridge, Federal Government, funny, pork barrel politics, US Congress

Sayings That Suck or Idiotic Idioms #2 “Going to Hell in a Hand Basket”

September 10, 2014September 10, 2014 E. V. Erton

A situation or thing – such as a country – that is headed for disaster. Who in their right (or wrong) minds would decide to travel to the underworld in a hand basket? For starters, […]

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4 CommentsFictiondecapitation, French Revolution, funny, Hell, Ray Rice, train wreck, underworld

Coming Soon: The Great Mall of China

September 9, 2014 E. V. Erton

The private equity fund Global Grabbit Investments has signed a deal with the Chinese government to convert The Great Wall of China into 5,500 miles of high-end shops and restaurants. Adjacent provinces are to be […]

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5 CommentsFictionfunny, Grand Canyon, Greal Wall China, high-end shops, pyramids, shopping mall

Historically Unpopular US Congress Scores Top Ranking in Global Study

September 8, 2014 E. V. Erton

The US Congress has been ranked as the planet’s number one dead zone in a new scientific study. Dead zones are places where nothing happens and no life exists. Previously, the Kakunda Cavern Lake in […]

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6 CommentsFictionBP spill, dead zones, funny, Rick Perry, US Congress

Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself Because Summer is Over

September 5, 2014 E. V. Erton

OK, you feel depressed because those golden summer days have gone. But let’s put this in perspective. How do you think hungry sharks feel?

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3 CommentsFictionbeach, funny, shark bites, summer's over

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