Unicorn Bites #544
4-year-old: What’s hope? Me: The first stage of disappointment. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2014 How women plan a party: 1) Pick a theme 2) Make decorations 3) Cook festive foods How men plan […]
4-year-old: What’s hope? Me: The first stage of disappointment. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2014 How women plan a party: 1) Pick a theme 2) Make decorations 3) Cook festive foods How men plan […]
4-year-old: What happens if I microwave 5 Barbies? Me: That’s an oddly specific question. 4: I already know what happens if I do it with 4 — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 28, 2014 4-year-old: Do […]
4-year-old: Why can we see through glass? Me: I can’t. You must have x-ray vision. 4: Me: Tell no one. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 27, 2014 4-year-old: *puts on dress-up wings* Me: Aw. Are you a fairy? 4: *bites […]
Door-to-door Christian: Do you accept Jesus into your life? Me: Like, to live with me? Him: Me: If he pays rent he can crash on the couch — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 26, 2014 4-year-old: […]
Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 4-year-old: A superhero. But first I have to go to college. That girl has her shit together. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 25, 2014 […]
4-year-old: If I eat snow, I’ll get snow powers like Elsa! Me: I don’t think that’s how it works. 4: Yes it is. It’s called science. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 24, 2014 Superman: What’s […]
4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed. Me: You don’t have a Barbie tanning bed. 4: Me: *sprints to the toaster* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 24, 2014 Me: Why do you have […]
Wife: You never compliment me. Me: That shirt makes your boobs look huge. Wife: *death glare* I have no idea what she wants from me. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 22, 2014 Me: Why’d I […]
*buys kids hundreds of toys* *watches them play with a toilet brush and a step ladder* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 21, 2014 4-year-old: Our house is safe My wife: That’s right 4: Unless zombies […]
4-year-old: I made a tornado. It put you in Canada. Me: That doesn’t make sense. 4: I can’t hear you. You’re in Canada. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 20, 2014 2-year-old: Dad. Me: 2: Dad! […]