Unicorn Bites #514
How to grow a ghost chili: 1) Grow a regular chili. 2) Murder it. This is why people unfollow me. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2014 My mom: Your brother got another promotion. Me: […]
Tag: funny
I Miss Shaking Hands
Someday in the not-too-distant future, many of us will startle our grandchildren by telling them that once upon a time, friends would meet for lunch, shake hands, and then eat without washing those hands after […]
10 Secret Service Security Fixes That Will Turn the White House into a Fortress
The Secret Service has announced plans to reinforce security at the White House following the recent incident were an intruder jumped the fence and gained access to the building. “We’ve already changed the locks,” said […]
The Unusual Cab Driver
Sometimes you just get a feeling about certain things. When we got in the cab, something don’t feel right. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but when the driver got lost, it wasn’t […]
I think your son has something he needs to work on before he can play with our imaginary son and this is that something.
Our new neighbor came a knocking and wanted to know why we wouldn’t let our imaginary son play with his son. Jill Y and I wouldn’t really be related to subtlety or tact in any […]
Unicorn Bites #512
My recent Google searches: How to get glue out of a kid’s eyebrows How to remove glue without removing eyebrows How to replace eyebrows — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 27, 2014 You call it “lazy.” […]
Infested with Destructive Pests? Frack-a-Mole Could be the Answer
Pest exterminators have a devastating new weapon in the fight against animal invaders: fracking. Developed by the oil industry, fracking injects a mixture of sand, water, and chemicals at high pressure into the ground. The […]
Unicorn Bites #511
4-year-old: What happens if I throw up in the red shoe bin by the door? Me: Why is your question alarmingly specific? 4: No reason. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 27, 2014 4-year-old: Give me […]
Multi-Vehicle Crash Halts NASCAR Indianapolis 2014 Segway Speedway Race
Drivers suffered multiple injuries in a pile-up involving 12 Segways competing in this year’s NASCAR Indy 2014 Segway Speedway World Challenge. The accident happened during the third lap of the grueling race when world champion […]
Track Stopper
As a dude who has eaten too much, I decided I would go and watch my weight at Weight Watchers. When you reach the slightly older than 21 years of age that I’ve reached, you […]