The Elephant in the Room
“I’m like an elephant, I never forget,” said Donald Trump. “If I remember seeing thousands of Muslims cheering in Jersey on 9/11, who’s to say it didn’t happen? You can’t fact-check memory!” “Yes, but you […]
Tag: Donald Trump
Pfizer, Allergan Merge: Promises Boners with Less Wrinkles
Viagra maker, Pfizer, is merging with Irish pharma giant Allergan, maker of Botox. This is a marriage straight from petri dish heaven, two companies cashing in on a desire to turn back the clock. Or […]
Witch Gets Restraining Order Against Warlock
Here’s a belated Halloween story that will restore your faith in America’s legal system: In Salem, Massachusetts, a witch was granted a restraining order against a warlock! Lori Bruno, 75-year-old Salem witch (above) sued 45-year-old […]
Boehner’s Miracle Cure
“It was nothing short of miraculous,” John Boehner said of his private meeting with Pope Francis. “With a touch of his hand, I felt cleansed of years of rolling around in the muck of Congress.” […]
Ask Gabby Peter-Sploot, Sex Advice Columnist
DEAR GABBY: My wife wants me to boink her with a banana, then bake it into a banana crème pie and throw it at her. Is this unusual? DEAR BANANA BOY: Not at all. “fruit […]
Friday Humor Devotional
Dear Lord, please forgive me for my selfish celebration this glorious Friday. When Donald Trump allowed a woman to come on stage to test the authenticity of his mangy locks, it happily confirmed the financial […]
Trump’s Immigration Jackpot
After weeks of speculation, Donald Trump finally revealed the details of his proposed Border Wall . “There won’t be any barbed wire or concrete,” said Trump. “I’ll use 2,000 miles of slot machines.” “How will […]
Jumping In With Both 30.48 Centimeters
I originally wrote this in early June, long before Donald Trump raised his hair into the presidential fray, and then promptly forgot about it. If only I could forget about Trump’s hair. You’d think […]
Palin Ready for Prime Time
“We’re gonna knock your socks off, America!” said Sarah Palin, as she signed napkins for customers at the Lock ‘N Load Dinner in Wasilla, Alaska. “Are you nervous about how the press will respond to […]