He is the Crab Lord.
Bill Y wouldn’t be the most tolerant of the misunderstood geniuses. I just don’t have the patience to be around people who think things through to any sort of conclusion. I’m stubborn too and have […]
Tag: funny
Unicorn Bites 10/15/13
Salesman: “Can I help you with something?” Me: “Yes, my crippling social awkwardness” Him: Me:“And batteries” Him:“Right over here, sir” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2013 I never argue w/ fast food […]
Get Motivated!
Say you work for a big company where everyone’s working 1.75 jobs. The mood is downbeat, so the company needs some way to rekindle the fire in the employee-belly. They could hire more people. But […]
Bob Marley
Like inevitability, some things are unavoidable. Thirsty Dave realized that vodka doesn’t freeze when he was 6 years into life. This was bound to happen sooner or later, it just so happened to happen sooner. […]
Unicorn Bites 10/14/13
Mullets are the classiest way to let the world know you’re about to go to jail for past-due child support payments. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 14, 2013 All it takes to turn […]
Two Feet of Snow
When I was 5 months old, I was blessed with the ability to realize that there was no Noble Prize for predicting the weather yet this didn’t prevent me from correctly predicting the correct weather, […]
Unicorn Bites 10/13/13
Me: "Brush your teeth." 3-year-old: *lowers her heart-shaped sunglasses* "I can’t, daddy. I’m too busy being cool." I know when I’ve lost. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2013 Using profanity doesn’t prove […]
Unicorn Bites 10/12/13
Pedestrians might have the right of way according to the laws of man, but the laws of physics say my car wins every time. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 12, 2013 I’d never […]