Dear Lord, forgive me for my gluttony. Is it a sin to take communion twenty-eight times in a row on a Saturday because I’ve run out of wine and the liquor stores are closed for […]
Dear Lord, please forgive my impulsive behavior. I let the air out of a jerk’s new BMW tires for taking up two disabled parking spaces at the supermarket. I also discovered that an entire pack […]
Dear Lord, please forgive me for my selfish celebration this glorious Friday. When Donald Trump allowed a woman to come on stage to test the authenticity of his mangy locks, it happily confirmed the financial […]
Dear Lord, give me the self-control to contain my laughter. While my 5-year-old son and husband were watching a baseball game my husband hollered, “Aw come on, three fly balls!” My son calmly said, “Daddy, […]
Dear Lord, please forgive my husband for his lack of respect. When asked by our Pastor why he hasn’t attended church service in over a year his reply was, “I’ve been attending a new church, […]
Dear Lord, please help me explain to my dimwitted cousin that “Who is Queen Latifa and Sir Mix-a-Lot was not the correct answer to the Jeopardy question: Royal couple that recently toured the United States, […]
Dear Lord, please forgive me for my wicked ways. When I told a group of Girl Scouts that Jesus wanted them to give me free Thin Mints as part of a new merit badge called, […]
Dear Lord, please forgive me. When the veterinarian’s office called about having our dog spayed they asked me, “How old is the bitch?” I instinctively gave them my wife’s birthday, Amen.
Dear Lord, I think The Holy Land Theme Park in Florida should include a Jesus Christ Super Spa and Nail Salon and a Walk on Water Park. It would give them a 5-Hail-Mary resort rating, Amen.
Dear Lord, is it a sin that I named my two raging hemorrhoids after my pain-in-the-butt wife and asshole boss, Amen.