The Place to Take a Humor Break
My wife has a catchphrase. It’s “no.” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2013 “No, I can’t ‘make’ time for you. Time can’t be created or destroyed. LEARN SCIENCE, MOTHER FUCKER.” That Jehovah’s […]
Wife: "It’s colder than a witch’s tits." Me: "I wouldn’t know. You never let me touch them." And that’s when she ripped off my balls. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 24, 2013 My […]
Is it “for fuck’s sake” or “for fuck sake?” I need it to be grammatically correct because it’s my turn to say grace at Thanksgiving. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 21, 2013 3-year-old: […]
Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Unless you piss them off. Then it’s shit storms and spite and you pay the price — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 10, 2013 […]
My 3-year-old said, “Daddy, I’m going to poop today!” Life is more exciting when you have big plans. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 6, 2013 Don’t bother trying to cheer me up, chipper […]
Whatever, rich people with wine cellars. I don't need any fancy shelves because I store my wine in my stomach like an adult. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2013 My wife: “Get […]
My 1-year-old sat on my lap and said, “Bye.” I think she’s planning to kill me. The worst part is she’ll still be adorable while she does it — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September […]