Unicorn Bites 2/2/14
Me: *puts 3-year-old’s hair in a ponytail* 3: Daddy, that’s fairy hair! I want to be a princess. I’m a terrible father. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 2, 2014 Good call on the commercials, fancy […]
Tag: Justin Bieber
Cannibal Rats Cruises’ One Way Voyages
Do you have an annoying neighbor who blasts Justin Bieber until five in the morning? Do you have a tyrannical boss? And how do you simultaneously reward your nagging spouse and collect on that rather […]
Unicorn Bites 1/29/14
I oppose deporting Justin Bieber for his crimes. This is America, after all. We have the death penalty. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 29, 2014 Florida is set to vote on whether to allow medical […]
Comparing Justin Bieber to Macauley Culkin
Ways to compare Justin Beiber and Macauley Culkin 1) Same height and weight 2) One has a lot of hair on his head, the other slept in Michael Jackson’s bed 3) One dated Mila Kunis, […]
Unicorn Bites 1/23/14
Me: I know everything. Ask me any question. 3-year-old: How do airplanes work? Me: Magic. Next question. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 23, 2014 I always knew I’d end up drunk in a gutter. I […]
Justin Bieber Busted
Justin Bieber was arrested for drunk driving, driving without a valid license and resisting arrest after police pulled over the 19-year-old pop star for street racing in Miami Beach, Florida. Bieber told officers he drank, […]
Friday Humor Devotional
Dear Lord, please let my two teenage daughters know that giving me a front row seat at a Justin Bieber concert or a gift certificate for a free mani-pedi will never, ever, EVER be an […]
As long as the pop stars don’t change, this world is going to be fine.
I’ve always been a dreamer. I’ve always dreamt of a day when it will be possible to go to a place where you can rent a book without paying for it and return the book […]
The appearance and subsequent disappearance of Spiderpig
Justin Bieber was as excited as a horse who lands a role in Sex and the City. He decided to use his memory and think back to the last time he was this excited and […]