At the airport recently, I fell into a conversation with a fellow my age as we waited for our plane to board. Within two minutes we’d pulled out our smartphones and were showing each […]
Dear Lord, help me make sense of this situation. I don’t know whether Grandmaw is losing her hearing or her mind. When she asked me what I wanted for dinner I suggested smoked fish or […]
Dear Lord, please give me the fortitude to restrain my bewilderment of my grandparents alternative vacation decision. When grandma told me she was taking grandpa on a “Senior Citizen’s European Cowboy Adventure”, this is not […]
Dear Lord, please tell my dad that removing his prosthetic leg, glass eye and false teeth won’t get him an AARP Zombie Apocalypse Senior Citizen’s discount, but it will keep the kids well behaved and […]
Dear Lord, please give me the knowledge and the insight to answer my 7-year-old grandson’s question. “If Andy, Barney and Opie live in Mayberry and cousin Clyde lives in Lewisberry . . . who lives […]
Dear Lord, please give me the strength to explain to my 80-year-old grandfather that slipping his Viagra under grandmother’s breasts won’t keep them erect, Amen.
Dear Lord, please comfort our aquatic loving grandchildren after this morning’s upset. When their grandfather said he was going to drop the kids off at the pool he meant he needed to take a dump, […]
Dear Lord, please smite me with temporary blindness and amnesia after witnessing my semi-naked grandfather getting frisky with grandmom wearing only Christmas stockings and jingle bells yelling whip ‘em Gangnam style, Amen.
Dear Lord, please remind me why I shouldn’t strangle my older children for telling our five-year-old son if he covers his grandpop’s corns with dirt while he’s napping they’ll grow popcorn trees and if he puts his grandma’s dentures in backward it’ll cause her to eat her […]
Dear Lord, please tell grandmom I’m really, really sorry for putting super glue in grandpop’s denture adhesive. He still can’t talk too good, but grandmom gave me $50 thanking me for the best three days of peace […]