Tag: xploding unicorn

Unicorn Bites 10/24/13

James Breakwell

Wife: *glares* "Do you think you’re funny?" Me: "Yes." W: M: W: Me: "I mean no." W: M: "How many guesses do I get?" — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 24, 2013 “Daddy, why […]

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Unicorn Bites 10/23/13

James Breakwell

My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 23, 2013 Side effects […]

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Unicorn Bites 10/20/13

James Breakwell

Announcer: “This is not a drill” Me: “Then what is it? A hammer or a saw?” *goes for a high five* *is left hanging* *dies in a tornado* — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October […]

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Unicorn Bites 10/19/13

James Breakwell

Don’t kid yourself. You don’t have multiple personalities. As far as I can tell, you don’t even have one. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2013 Autocorrect changed “honor” to “honour” because apparently […]

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Unicorn Bites 10/17/13

James Breakwell

Wait, liquor commercial, you want me to buy your product AND drink responsibly? One of us clearly doesn’t understand how alcohol works. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2013 I know my wife […]

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Unicorn Bites 10/15/13

James Breakwell

Salesman: “Can I help you with something?” Me: “Yes, my crippling social awkwardness” Him: Me:“And batteries” Him:“Right over here, sir” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2013 I never argue w/ fast food […]

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