Tag: holidays
How The First World War Led To American Independence
SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK Ever since Christopher Columbus first landed in the New World and hid all the Viking artifacts, America has been a land of opportunity, independence, and smallpox. Eventually the […]
It’s May. Enjoy Yourself!
May is National Masturbation Month. How do I know? My pal Senior Sex Expert Joan Price is not only vigorously celebrating, but doing everything she can to spread the word. “I’m on it!” I assured […]
The Horrors of Holiday Food
SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK People, we need to talk about holiday food. I know what you’re thinking: “The holidays are over! Don’t make us rehash holiday hash!” Yeah, well, these days you’re never far […]
A Valentine Message, Or Else
I’m going to tell you a secret: A secret that will seem stunning, coming from a man who writes romance novels: I’m not romantic. At all. This comes as no surprise to my wife, I’m […]
New Year’s Writin’ Eve
I wondered about the best way to start the New Year. I rarely drink, and had no desire to see Miley Cyrus’ Epiglottis on New Years Rockin’ Eve. What I do want in 2014 is […]
Santa After Christmas
SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK Santa Claus had a ritual, one he followed every year after he finished delivering gifts for all little boys and girls. It involved whiskey. His main elf assistant, Evergreen Iciclepears, […]
Why During Christmas, You Never Forget Your Fire Department
Unfortunately, this is the true tale of the fire in my kitchen this past weekend. Please sing to the tune of 12 Days of Christmas. Don’t worry, I counted only to Five. I don’t want […]
Changing Rhyme Schemes, or: The not so perfect Christmas poem
SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK T ’was the week before Christmas, and I have to admit: I wasn’t feeling the spirit; not one little bit. The stockings weren’t hung, I didn’t know where they […]