Dear Lord, please remind me why I’m still with my weird, but very sexy boyfriend. When he said he was giving me something thick, hot and meaty for Valentine’s Day, this is definitely NOT what […]
Dear Lord, please find it in your heart to forgive me for my bad behavior. When my brother’s obnoxious girlfriend bragged about how beautiful her new Celtic tattoo was I couldn’t resist telling her it […]
Coworker: I ordered pizzas for the office. Me: I love you like a brother. Him: They’re all vegetarian Me: I hope you die of face herpes. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2013 […]
Summer is good and bad. The “good” is going to the beach, eating ice cream when it’s hot, swimming in the pool and playing outdoors. The “bad,” as an adult at least, is that it […]
If the best humor comes from being honest, then why didn’t my girlfriend find it funny when I told her I slept with her best friend?
There was an oil spill, so I wanted to visit the beach again before it got completely covered with crude. Somehow, a black, sticky beach would be less romantic. You can’t bury your sweetheart […]