Unicorn Bites 3/4/14
Wife: You don’t understand pregnancy Me: Sure I do. You whine for 10 months & then fire a kid from your baby cannon I’m basically a doctor — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 5, 2014 Girl, […]
Tag: pregnancy
Unicorn Bites 3/2/14
Me: Ow! Why’d you hit me with your fairy wand? 3-year-old daughter: It’s a lightsaber! I’ve never gone from anger to pride so fast. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 2, 2014 3-year-old: *takes 1-year-old’s toy* […]
WHAT TO EXPECT- Man Afraid of Pregnant Belly for Good Reason
Maggie is expecting, but Greg wonders if her ballooning size is getting out of hand… or is it? Watch the comic pressure mount in this special world premiere of award-winning director Aaron Rudelson’s hilarious new short film, “What […]
Unicorn Bites 11/15/13
My wife doesn’t think pregnancy makes her crazy. I agreed with her so she would stop screaming and put down the machete. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 15, 2013 When you say, “I […]
Unicorn Bites 11/14/13
3-year-old: Daddy, I don’t want hair that looks like yours. Me: What does my hair look like? 3: Like stupid. She gets her tact from me. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 14, 2013 […]
Unicorn Bites 11/12/13
You’re officially an adult when you realize pessimism and wisdom are basically the same thing. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2013 Some pregnant women crave fruit or chocolate. My wife ate a […]
Unicorn Bites 10/28/13
My diet plan: 1) cut a brownie in two 2) eat half 3) eat the other half 4) die fat. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 28, 2013 The main reason I knocked up […]
Unicorn Bites 10/27/13
I’ve never hung up garlic to ward off vampires, but I’ve been known to leave beef jerky lying around to scare away vegans. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 27, 2013 Me: “Did you […]
The Seven Deadly Texts
I just read an article from a relationship expert on Match.com that highlighted the seven texts that scare men off. They were: 1) I can’t stop thinking about you 2) We need to talk […]
Say Goodbye to New Mexico
Rep. Cathryyn Brown, a Republican state lawmaker in New Mexico introduced a bill on Wednesday that would legally require victims of rape to carry their pregnancies to term in order to use the fetus as […]