Posts Tagged ‘ XplodingUnicorn ’

Unicorn Bites 10/6/13

October 6, 2013
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Attractive people are seldom funny because life has been too easy for them. On an unrelated note, you’re hilarious. — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 6, 2013 My wife pulled out a “Cosmo” survey & asked,…

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Unicorn Bites 10/5/13

October 5, 2013
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The eulogy at my funeral will just be an awkward silence before someone finally says, “Well, the important thing is he’s dead. Let’s party.” — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 5, 2013 Dear motorcycle guy weaving…

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Unicorn Bites 10/1/13

October 1, 2013
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Unicorn Bites 10/1/13

Me: “There’s something in my shoe.” My wife: “What is it?” Me: “My foot.” I’m as amazed as anyone that she occasionally has sex with me. — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2013 Wife:“Do you…

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Unicorn Bites 9/28/13

September 28, 2013
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Disney movies should have alternate endings that only play the 99th time a kid watches them. “Dad why did Cinderella get eaten by a raptor?” — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 28, 2013 A guy said…

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Unicorn Bites 9/20/13

September 20, 2013
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Unicorn Bites 9/20/13

I found an amazing cure for world hunger. It’s called “food.” When starving people eat it, it eliminates their starvation 100% of the time. — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2013 Boss: Do you know…

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Unicorn Bites 9/16/13

September 16, 2013
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Unicorn Bites 9/16/13

“You look like you’ve lost weight. Are you on meth?” I’m bad at giving compliments. — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 16, 2013 Miley Cyrus: “Only God can judge me.” God: “Deal.” *unleashes 97 plagues* —…

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Unicorn Bites 9/10/13

September 10, 2013
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When I tell my wife, “I’m going to take you out,” she never knows if I mean, “on a date” or “with a sniper rifle.” I keep her on her toes. — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn)…

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Unicorn Bites 9/8/13

September 8, 2013
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My metabolism gives me exactly two options when I eat: I can be hungry, or I can be fat, with nothing in between. — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 8, 2013 “Magnum” is the name of…

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HumorOutcasts Radio – Interview with James Breakwell

August 1, 2013
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HumorOutcasts Radio – Interview with James Breakwell

A great show with comedy writer James Breakwell. Known for his incredibly funny tweets about his family, kids and life in general, James is getting a lot of notice and even Reader’s Digest will be…

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