The Place to Take a Humor Break
4-year-old daughter: How come I’m not a princess? Me: I’m not a king. 4-year-old: Mom should’ve married better. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 19, 2014 Me: It’s my house. I make the rules. 4-year-old: No […]
2-year-old: The dog tastes like dirt. Me: Don’t lick the dog. 2: He licked me first. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2014 Me: *reads classic children’s book “Are You My Mother”* 4-year-old: Is there […]
4-year-old: Can you help me write a note to my sister? Me: OK. 4: How do you spell “I hate your stupid face?” — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2014 My 2-year-old put a Girl Scout cookie […]
Me: Go to bed 4-year-old: I can’t. I’m scared of dinosaurs Me: Every single one of them is dead 4: Me: 4: I’m scared of dinosaur ghosts — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 16, 2014 If […]
Wife: Do I need to wear makeup today? Me: Nah. Nobody’s going to look at you Wife: Me: I mean you’re pretty without it Wife: Nailed it. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 14, 2014 /blockquote>< […]
4-year-old: How come my friend doesn’t eat meat? Me: Not everyone likes to be happy. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 13, 2014 Me: We’re all in the same boat. 4-year-old: We’re not in a boat. We’re in […]
I asked my 4-year-old to draw a chicken. She drew four nuggets and a bottle of ketchup. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2014 Me: I did the dishes. Wife: You put one cup in […]
Relationship status: I sent my wife a Facebook invite to a party in my pants. She chose “will not attend.” — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 11, 2014 Me: I meant to do that. Wife: You […]
My 2-year-old just shouted, “What the hell?!” I’d be mad, but she said it when we ran out of Cheez-Its, so it seemed appropriate. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 10, 2014 4-year-old: Why don’t you […]
Me: Time to get out of bed. 4-year-old: Why? At the end of the day, I’ll just get back in it. Me: 4: Me: *goes back to bed* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 9, 2014 […]