Unicorn Bites #563

2-year-old: The dog tastes like dirt. Me: Don’t lick the dog. 2: He licked me first. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2014 Me: *reads classic children’s book “Are You My Mother”* 4-year-old: Is there […]

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Unicorn Bites #558

I asked my 4-year-old to draw a chicken. She drew four nuggets and a bottle of ketchup. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2014 Me: I did the dishes. Wife: You put one cup in […]

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Unicorn Bites #557

Relationship status: I sent my wife a Facebook invite to a party in my pants. She chose “will not attend.” — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 11, 2014 Me: I meant to do that. Wife: You […]

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