The Place to Take a Humor Break
My 3-year-old daughter said, “Daddy, can you please go away now?” She’s already turning into her mother. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 30, 2013 How many fucks I give is directly proportional to […]
3-year-old: “Where’s your beard?” Me: “It’s gone?! Is it in your pocket?” 3: “Daddy…” Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: 3: *checks pockets* — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2013 Oh, you married a […]
When I see a driver’s ed student try to parallel park I throw my body against the back of his car & scream in pain. Fear is the best teacher — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn […]
Me: You sound like a broken record. 3-year-old: What’s that? M: It’s an old type of CD. 3: What’s a CD? Me: *moves into a nursing home* — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 11, […]
Me: Will you ever stop loving me? Wife: I didn't know I ever started. Then we high-fived and went back to not speaking to each other. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 4, 2013 […]
My 3-year-old thinks kindergarten is pronounced “ninja garden,” in case you wondered why she’s eager to be old enough to go to school. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 24, 2013 I playfully threw […]
I said on my résumé that I’m goal oriented. I left out that my goal is to do as little work as possible without getting fired. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 11, 2013 […]
In my 3-year-old’s dollhouse, a naked woman, a naked boy, and a tiger are all in the same bed. I assume alcohol was involved. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2013 My wife:“Put […]