Unicorn Bites 2/9/14
It’s cute how Canada gets to send athletes to the Olympics just like a real country. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 9, 2014 The Winter Olympics: The 2 weeks when for some reason I suddenly […]
Tag: humoroutcasts
Kathy’s Points to Remember
1) Never stick a pencil up your nose. Lead doesn’t smell good. Neither do rubber erasers. 2) Do not wear flip-flops in a snowstorm. One of them will come off and blow away. You will […]
Unicorn Bites 2/8/14
I already said I was sorry, so I don’t know why you’re still hung up on this. I can’t unburn down your house. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 8, 2014 If a girl gets mad […]
The Polar Vortex Loves New York
The Polar Vortex got bored with its usual routine of deep-freezing only the northern latitudes and decided to take advantage of global warming and take a trip south. It had never been to New York […]
Unicorn Bites 2/7/14
You’re right, teenagers: We don’t know what you’re going through. The rest of us skipped straight from 12 to 20. Best decision we ever made. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 7, 2014 Justin Bieber smoked […]
What A Boob
“I think my tits are made of memory foam”, I said to the poor man joining me for dinner. “It’s like I keep cutting them off and they keep growing back. They’re the Tempurpedic of […]
Opera for People Who Don’t Like It
The Stories Opera is more than just middle-aged fat people in period costumes making funny sounds. An opera is a play, with a plot. The only differences between operas and spoken plays are: (1) operas […]
Everyone Wants To Be Like Hunter S. Thompson
I think it was Shakespeare who said, “life is a SyFi Channel TV movie, and we all are merely Danny and Billy Baldwins trying to stumble our way through a shitty production.” Before you tell […]
Unicorn Bites 2/4/14
A student was injured when her iPhone started on fire. Apple pointed out the burns were more stylish than those caused by Android devices. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 4, 2014 I thought a beard […]
Cruise To Nowhere
While everyone was very busy ooing and ahhing over the superbowl commercials for things like underwear from David Beckham and sparkling water from Scarlett Johanson – I was mesmerized by another commercial – one where […]