Posts Tagged ‘ police ’

Undercover Cell Phones: The New Police Weapon?

September 18, 2014
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A drug dealer in Tennessee is behind bars because of a confession he voluntarily made to the police—well, sort of voluntarily.  This is his tale of woe. The alleged criminal was driving merrily in his…

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Worlds Dumbest Criminal Resume & Cover Letter

September 15, 2014
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Finding work when you’re a petty criminal can be difficult! That’s why you need help from Dumbass Resume Writers. We help you by taking all your special talents and experience and writing a personalized cover…

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Billy Joel: Hostile Witness?

April 29, 2014
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Billy Joel isn’t much help to authorities.   He claims he didn’t start the fire, but provides no insight as to who did.   I’m pretty sure it hasn’t always been burning since the world’s…

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Hate Crime Victim Relieved to Know Life-Threatening Attack Was Not Personal

April 21, 2014
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Hate Crime Victim Relieved to Know Life-Threatening Attack Was Not Personal

Pat Anderson regained consciousness today after being moved from the ICU as a result of an upgraded medical condition. The patient was assaulted from behind by a group of three masked men while walking the…

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Lindsey Lohan Reads Book Quietly by the Pool, Heroin Underdose Suspected

March 1, 2014
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Lindsey Lohan Reads Book Quietly by the Pool, Heroin Underdose Suspected

Police have reported that yesterday actress Lindsey Lohan sat quietly and uneventfully all day reading by the pool. A heroin underdose is suspected. “Detectives have been all over this yard. We’ve talked to neighbors, the…

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Unicorn Bites 2/24/14

February 24, 2014
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Unicorn Bites 2/24/14

Detective: I found the murder weapon. *holds up kindness* Rookie cop: You mean she killed him with… Detective: Yep Rookie: *throws up* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 24, 2014 3-year-old: Do you have a mat…

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Heroin Dealer Exonerated After Revealing That He Only Sold Heroin To “That Dude From Nickelback”

February 6, 2014
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Heroin Dealer Exonerated After Revealing That He Only Sold Heroin To “That Dude From Nickelback”

The recent heroin overdose by beloved and talented actor Philip Seymour Hoffman has brought about calls for immediate action by authorities. New York City police have been furiously searching for the dealer who sold Hoffman…

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Housewarming Gifts That Will Always Be Remembered

January 20, 2014
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Housewarming Gifts That Will Always Be Remembered

Several people I know have moved in the last few months, and so my mind has been focused on finding housewarming gifts that would fit each new homeowner’s personality. I have scoured retail stores and…

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Why During Christmas, You Never Forget Your Fire Department

December 25, 2013
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Why During Christmas, You Never Forget Your Fire Department

Unfortunately, this is the true tale of the fire in my kitchen this past weekend. Please sing to the tune of 12 Days of Christmas.  Don’t worry, I counted only to Five. I don’t want…

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In Defense of Black Friday

December 7, 2013
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In Defense of Black Friday

With Thanksgiving behind us, there is a crispy clean feeling in the air. The kind of feeling that can only mean one thing: time to start capitalizing on other people’s feelings of lack of self…

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