What emails and my waistline have in common
Getting my emails to a manageable number is much like getting my weight to a manageable number. Both are great in theory, and neither are made better with a one-pound bag of Skittles. […]
Tag: work
Unicorn Bites 1/7/14
3-year-old: *hands me a plastic stegosaurus* "Here’s an extra one. Just in case." I don’t know what’s about to happen, but I’m terrified. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 7, 2014 3-year-old: Daddy, I […]
Unicorn Bites 12/27/13
I hate going back to the office after a long vacation. Or a short vacation. Or no vacation. Seriously, fuck work. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 27, 2013 Me: I’m going to spelunk […]
Driving in L.A.
Driving in L.A. is different than in other places. Yes, there’s the traffic and freeways but there’s also the vanity plates. They let drivers announce to their fellow commuters what they do in the entertainment industry. In L.A., there is […]
A Letter To My Boss
Today I got home early enough to learn that I have a third child! Who knew? She’s cute and perky and called me Daddertat, and asked me “why are you so bald?” a lot, so […]
Unicorn Bites 11/18/13
3-year-old: Let’s play zombies Me: OK 3: You’re the dad zombie, I’m the mom zombie & this is the baby She tricked me into playing house — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 18, 2013 […]
“That Guy” At Work With The WISHFUL 32″ Waist
Have you seen this guy at work, at the mall, walking through town???? That guy that refused to believe that he can’t fit into his belt from 10 years ago! Then ya have these other […]
Unicorn Bites 10/29/13
When I see the frazzled parents of a newborn, I tell them, "Don't worry. It gets easier." Then I laugh maniacally for 20 minutes. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2013 Me: "That’s […]
Unicorn Bites 9/21/13
Marriage: because it’s too much work to ruin your life all by yourself — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 21, 2013 I never run from my problems. I drive away from them because fuck […]
Unicorn Bites 9/7/13
My wife isn’t ashamed to admit she’s married. She just pretends it’s to someone else. Her parents still think I’m her gardener. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2013 A female coworker with […]