The Place to Take a Humor Break
3-year-old: *hands me a plastic stegosaurus* "Here’s an extra one. Just in case." I don’t know what’s about to happen, but I’m terrified. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 7, 2014 3-year-old: Daddy, I […]
I hate going back to the office after a long vacation. Or a short vacation. Or no vacation. Seriously, fuck work. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 27, 2013 Me: I’m going to spelunk […]
Driving in L.A. is different than in other places. Yes, there’s the traffic and freeways but there’s also the vanity plates. They let drivers announce to their fellow commuters what they do in the entertainment industry. In L.A., there is […]
Today I got home early enough to learn that I have a third child! Who knew? She’s cute and perky and called me Daddertat, and asked me “why are you so bald?” a lot, so […]
3-year-old: Let’s play zombies Me: OK 3: You’re the dad zombie, I’m the mom zombie & this is the baby She tricked me into playing house — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 18, 2013 […]
Have you seen this guy at work, at the mall, walking through town???? That guy that refused to believe that he can’t fit into his belt from 10 years ago! Then ya have these other […]
When I see the frazzled parents of a newborn, I tell them, "Don't worry. It gets easier." Then I laugh maniacally for 20 minutes. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2013 Me: "That’s […]
Marriage: because it’s too much work to ruin your life all by yourself — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 21, 2013 I never run from my problems. I drive away from them because fuck […]
My wife isn’t ashamed to admit she’s married. She just pretends it’s to someone else. Her parents still think I’m her gardener. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2013 A female coworker with […]
Raising a 1-year-old is like dealing with a raccoon. I have to put the food out of reach and secure all trashcans. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 26, 2013 The best time to […]