Unicorn Bites #527

2-year-old:*wakes me up* What’s that sound? Me: What sound? 2: A taco Me: 2 Me:*grabs baseball bat* There’s a fucking taco in my house — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 12, 2014 [at church] 4-year-old: This […]

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Algerian Fruit Salad and How to Win a Nobel Prize

Algerian Dessert FRUIT SALAD (chlada fakya) INGREDIENTS ½ honeydew or cantaloupe 2 apples 2 bananas 5 oranges 6 strawberries ½ teaspoon cinnamon 2 tablespoons sugar ¼ cup lemon juice ⅓ cup orange juice 2 tablespoons […]

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Unicorn Bites 10/26/13

When an apple fell on Sir Isaac Newton’s head, I doubt he really said, “Aha, gravity.” What he really said was probably, “Fuck apples.” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 26, 2013 Daycare lady: […]

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New York City Experiencing a Murder Drought

NYC has gone an entire week without a murder. Some possible reasons for this positive trend: 1.Like everyone else, would-be murderers are spending their time hunting for their Miley Cyrus twerking outfit–this year’s most sought […]

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Unicorn Bites 9/19/13

I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 19, 2013   Coworker: “I’m a Vikings […]

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