Unicorn Bites 4/5/14
My 3-year-old asks me “Why?” 10,000 times a day, so, no, I don’t think I’d crack under torture. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 5, 2014 Me:*wakes up 3-year-old* 3: How old do I have to […]
Tag: funny
The Absolutely, Positively Not Boring Woman
I just turned sixty-eight years old. Ailments are a major subject of conversation for people my age, because they are the most exciting things that happen to most of us. This can get dull after […]
The Big Picture
I’ve offended religions, races, sexes, minorities, majorities and several people who Janis Joplin sang about in her songs with music and lyrics and melody and rhythm. This creates its own set of problems. What if […]
Unicorn Bites 4/4/14
Door-to-door Christian guy: Have you been saved by Jesus? Me: Can he save me from this conversation? Him: *leaves* Me: Praise the Lord! — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 4, 2014 Miley Cyrus is an inspiration […]
And The NCAA Tournament Champion Is..
Okay, you didn’t win a billion dollars. You’re not alone. Not one person in the Billion Dollars Warren Buffett Quicken Loans Pick All The Winners contest won. So Warren didn’t have to pay out. […]
Unicorn Bites 4/3/14
Me: I’m here to trade in my car. Salesman: M: S: M: S: You have to take your kids out of it first. Fuck. I hoped he’d take them, too. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April […]
Little Mike Has Garlic Fries
It all happened very quickly. We were in Burger King with Scurvy Jane and her nephew, Mike. He was drawing with some crayons when out of the blue, he shot us a serious look and […]
I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
In the beginning, there was no U2 and on the first day, God said “Let there be Bono” and there was U2. And God looked upon U2 and saw that it was good. And God […]
Unicorn Bites 4/1/14
I don’t recycle because if I set aside all my empty bottles and cans I’d have to admit I’m an alcoholic. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 1, 2014 I’ve been drinking coffee for so long […]
Good Parent/Bad Parent
One of the best ways to mitigate emotional pain is to laugh at it. I present this with that in mind. So much humor writing revolves around parenting that someone like me, who never had […]