Jesus! The Kim Kardashian Interview
Jesus: Hello, My children, and welcome to My show! It’s about time the “Powers That Be” gave Me My own show; I was sick and tired of seeing everybody else get one and not Me. […]
Tag: Jesus
Excerpts From Famous Diaries
Eva Braun Tuesday, September 5: This morning I think I finally met Mr. Right. I was cleaning the meat rack when he entered the shop and asked me if we had anything in a knockwurst. […]
Jesus’ ‘Most Fascinating People’ Interview: Justin Bieber
Good evening My children, and welcome to My show. I’m interviewing the most fascinating people out of all My children, so naturally I wanted to get inside the head of the spellbinding Justin Bieber. Of […]
Unicorn Bites #563
2-year-old: The dog tastes like dirt. Me: Don’t lick the dog. 2: He licked me first. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2014 Me: *reads classic children’s book “Are You My Mother”* 4-year-old: Is there […]
When is Jesus’ Second Coming?
Ever since the first century, many Christians have lived in fear, prepared themselves for Jesus Christ’s horrifying, imminent return. In the history of our world, there are at least 50 documented cases from religious leaders that predicted […]
Unicorn Bites 5/30/14
4-year-old: Can I cut your hair? Me: No. Why’d you even ask that? 4: Me: 4: Me: 4: When are you going to sleep? After this, never. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2014 Me: […]
Unicorn Bites 4/13/14
Wife: You put cheese on every hamburger you grilled Me: Yup Wife: What about people who don’t like cheese? Me: They can go back to Russia — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 13, 2014 Me: *fucks […]
Unicorn Bites 4/10/14
Her: I’m out of your league. Me: By about 20,000 leagues, I’d say. Her: Me: Because you’re a sea monster. Her: Me: READ A FUCKING BOOK — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 10, 2014 Me: Do […]
Unicorn Bites 3/1/14
You’re officially an adult when you realize being honest and being polite are never the same thing. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 1, 2014 Wife: You didn’t notice my haircut Me: You didn’t notice mine […]