The Place to Take a Humor Break
2-year-old: The dog tastes like dirt. Me: Don’t lick the dog. 2: He licked me first. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2014 Me: *reads classic children’s book “Are You My Mother”* 4-year-old: Is there […]
Ever since the first century, many Christians have lived in fear, prepared themselves for Jesus Christ’s horrifying, imminent return. In the history of our world, there are at least 50 documented cases from religious leaders that predicted […]
4-year-old: Can I cut your hair? Me: No. Why’d you even ask that? 4: Me: 4: Me: 4: When are you going to sleep? After this, never. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2014 Me: […]
Wife: You put cheese on every hamburger you grilled Me: Yup Wife: What about people who don’t like cheese? Me: They can go back to Russia — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 13, 2014 Me: *fucks […]
Her: I’m out of your league. Me: By about 20,000 leagues, I’d say. Her: Me: Because you’re a sea monster. Her: Me: READ A FUCKING BOOK — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 10, 2014 Me: Do […]
You’re officially an adult when you realize being honest and being polite are never the same thing. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 1, 2014 Wife: You didn’t notice my haircut Me: You didn’t notice mine […]
Dear Lord, please forgive me for my wicked ways. When I told a group of Girl Scouts that Jesus wanted them to give me free Thin Mints as part of a new merit badge called, […]
Jesus: Go forth. You are now fishers of men. Peter: *harpoons a guy* Jesus: Too literal, bro. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 26, 2014 Sure, random teenager, you have swag, but only if “swag” means […]
An Assistant Football Coach at the University of Connecticut recently caused a stir in the press. He told The Hartford Courant that “Jesus Christ should be in the center of our huddle.” If you’ve ever […]
From time to time, I find myself in the unusual position of knowing something or at least I think I do. I’m unusually good at relationships because I know my countless limitations and for a […]