Unicorn Bites 5/28/14
There’s nothing like a tricked-out Honda Civic to let the world know you were too busy being a badass to finish high school. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2014 “How loud do I have […]
Tag: marriage
Unicorn Bites 5/5/14
The fastest things in the universe: 1) sound 2) light 3) regret immediately after I made any decision — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 5, 2014 I never put my money where my mouth is because […]
I don’t have money, a personality or a future with money or a personality.
It’s hard to know why a woman would want to spend time with me. I don’t have money, a personality or a future with money or a personality. As a ruler of 14 Eastern European […]
Unicorn Bites 4/16/14
When a woman says, “I hope we can still be friends,” what she means is “If I see you on the sidewalk, I’ll hit you with my car.” — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 16, 2014 […]
Unicorn Bites 3/18/14
I drink in moderation, but I define “moderation” as “not quite enough to kill me.” — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 18, 2014 A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, […]
Unicorn Bites 3/11/14
Me:*turns on car radio* 3-year-old: Why do they keep saying “sexy.” M: It means “fun to hug” 3: Our dog is sexy! Now we drive in silence — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 11, 2014 I […]
Stand Up: Raymond McAnally at Flappers Comedy Club Los Angeles
I love when Daily Fiber Films has new material to post. Here is Raymond McAnally’s newest stand up! Such a talented guy and so thrilled to share his work! [embedplusvideo height=”270″ width=”472″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1bYyImB” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/Seisk2asd2M?fs=1″ vars=”ytid=Seisk2asd2M&width=472&height=270&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=0&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=¬es=” […]
Unicorn Bites 3/1/14
You’re officially an adult when you realize being honest and being polite are never the same thing. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 1, 2014 Wife: You didn’t notice my haircut Me: You didn’t notice mine […]
A Way Forward
I’m liberal, but I’m no absolutist. I believe in compromise. For example, I think people should be allowed to bring guns into bars and churches, as long as they agree to carry those guns by […]
Unicorn Bites 2/22/14
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2014 Me: Sex? […]