Unicorn Bites 5/21/14
Daycare lady: Your 4-year-old pretended to be a Jedi and attacked a kid. Right answer: It won’t happen again. What I said: Was he a Sith? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2014 My wife […]
Tag: parents
Friday Humor Devotional
Dear Lord, please forgive me for lying to our four-year-old son and six-year-old daughter when I told them that the Big Foot devoured their chocolate Easter bunnies. When they asked why he ate only the […]
Good Parent/Bad Parent
One of the best ways to mitigate emotional pain is to laugh at it. I present this with that in mind. So much humor writing revolves around parenting that someone like me, who never had […]
5 Reasons Insanity Doesn’t Work (Part 2)
Good sports are hard to come by, especially in my family. I come from a long line of paranoid, defensive, no-names who think that they are important enough for the world to plot against. In […]
Unicorn Bites 3/14/14
I once convinced my toddler that my pregnant wife swallowed a seed and has a watermelon growing in her stomach. Childhood must be terrifying — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 14, 2014 3-year-old:*asks “Why?” for 99th […]
Unicorn Bites 3/8/14
Me:*sings* How’d I sound? Wife: Like a cat in a wood chipper I’d be insulted but I’m more concerned w/ how she knows what that sounds like — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 8, 2014 An […]
Unicorn Bites 2/28/14
1-year-old: *pees in the potty for the first time* Me: You’re a big girl now! 1: Yeah! Me: Rent is due on the 1st. Don’t be late. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 28, 2014 Me: […]
HOW TO ANNOY YOUR CHILDREN
From the moment they are born, our children are a tremendous source of pride—first words, first steps, the gold star on their progress reports, the lead role in a school play…we are always there, cheering […]
Unicorn Bites 1/27/14
3-year-old: Daddy, what is your job? Me: I sit in a cubicle all day and try not to be sad. 3: Apparently I was supposed to lie. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 27, 2014 *1-year-old […]