My Last Days in the Bunker
I’M NOT READY TO GO OUT. DO I HAVE TO? Don’t get me wrong, I love to be alone. For me, isolation is like a trip to Bali, with less suntan lotion. I like me—we […]
Year: 2021
As Dylan Turns 80, Appliance Dealers Ask “What If?”
HIBBING, Minnesota. After weekend tributes marking Bob Dylan’s 80th birthday appeared in the national news Sunday, word got back to this town of 17,000 in northeastern Minnesota that its most famous local musician was being […]
Frito Pie In a Bag and the Dawn of Humanity
American Entree FRITO PIE IN A BAG INGREDIENTS 2 green onions 1 pound ground beef 1 30-ounce can chili beans (no meat) 1 10-ounce can diced tomatoes and green chiles 6 1-ounce bags Fritos(tm) 6 […]
Me and My Parrot Walk Into a Bar
Lewis Rosensteil, head of Schenley Distillers, once had 5,000 parrots trained to say “Drink Old Quaker” bourbon, then gave them to bartenders. The Wall Street Journal, review of “Empire: The Past and Future of America’s […]
I Solve the Speeding Problem
People drive like bats out of Hell. They don’t care about the speed limit. They don’t care about the law. They don’t care about the injuries, and sometimes death, they inflict on other drive drivers. […]
Michelin Man to Represent Burning Tires in Mideast Peace Negotiations
For the first time in the history of the conflict between Israel and Hamas, burning tires have a place at the bargaining table. “This is long overdue,” claims the Michelin Man, speaking on behalf of […]
A Day in the Life of a Texas High School Prom Dress Coach
A high school in Texas requires female students to have prom dresses pre-approved by a school coach. The Wall Street Journal As I looked out the window of my tiny, bare-bones office onto the mesquite-speckled […]