The Place to Take a Humor Break
Picture it: a man, a romantic restaurant, a bottle of chilled champagne and that oh, so familiar feeling that something wonderful is about to happen. If it were normal life, I would say a diamond […]
Salesman: “Can I help you with something?” Me: “Yes, my crippling social awkwardness” Him: Me:“And batteries” Him:“Right over here, sir” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2013 I never argue w/ fast food […]
Born and raised in Texas I’ve watched our politics devolve into a miasma that only gets worse over time. The lunatic fringe that is the Tea Party in this state is essentially nothing more than […]
Mullets are the classiest way to let the world know you’re about to go to jail for past-due child support payments. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 14, 2013 All it takes to turn […]
NYC has gone an entire week without a murder. Some possible reasons for this positive trend: 1.Like everyone else, would-be murderers are spending their time hunting for their Miley Cyrus twerking outfit–this year’s most sought […]
My wife and I are bowling. Despite my best efforts at sly, psychological tricks (“Do you inhale or exhale before you release the ball?”) I lost the last game by three. But I’m up by […]
Me: "Brush your teeth." 3-year-old: *lowers her heart-shaped sunglasses* "I can’t, daddy. I’m too busy being cool." I know when I’ve lost. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2013 Using profanity doesn’t prove […]
Pedestrians might have the right of way according to the laws of man, but the laws of physics say my car wins every time. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 12, 2013 I’d never […]
First, let me say that it is rare I do any kind of TV show or movie review with the exception of the complete criminal program lineup on the ID channel, which has validated […]
I set my wife on fire ONE TIME and suddenly I’m the bad guy. Women are ridiculous. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 11, 2013 In a few years, deer will evolve to be […]