Posts Tagged ‘ shoes ’

Unicorn Bites 9/12/14

September 14, 2014
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4-year-old daughter: These shoes are slippery. They make me fall. Me: Then why do you wear them? 4: They’re pretty. She’s already a woman — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 12, 2014 Me: I told you…

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“What do women want? Shoes.” Mimi Pond

August 6, 2014
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“What do women want? Shoes.” Mimi Pond

In honor of what would have been my mother-in-law’s 98th birthday, a shoe story comes to mind. About 2 years ago, Marie got very, very ill. She was in intensive care for a few weeks.…

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Kathy’s Points to Remember

July 16, 2014
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Kathy’s Points to Remember

Never put your shoes on the wrong feet. Your feet will become confused and start to walk in opposite directions. If you are a foot model for disgusting pictures on a podiatrist’s wall, don’t wear…

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“Welcome to Heidi” by Heidi Clements – Book Review

July 16, 2014
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“Welcome to Heidi” by Heidi Clements – Book Review

Heidi Clements’ Welcome to Heidi made the coveted title of “Bathtub Book.” Not many books are worthy or funny enough to be read in my bathtub. Even fewer books are so well written as to keep me…

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Stop Smelling The Sunshine and Watch TV

June 23, 2014
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There’s a new phrase I’m hearing a lot lately, bandied about in conversations between seemingly normal people who couldn’t possibly be normal after uttering such a hideous, awful, pompous, annoying bullshit thing you can say…

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Sugartastic Daddy John’s Story.

Sugartastic Daddy John’s Story.

Sugartastic Daddy John was in pensive mood. He didn’t like that there were many tales of Thirsty Dave, Scurvy Jane and Jill Y’s fascination with shoes but very few tales about his bad self. In…

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Spotlight on Heidi Clements, author of “Welcome to Heidi”

June 5, 2014
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Spotlight on Heidi Clements, author of “Welcome to Heidi”

Chapter One Happy Birthday to Mean   “Let’s face it. You’re on the downside of life now,” a friend said to me on my 50th birthday. “You’re basically just careening to the end.”  I stabbed him…

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Unicorn Bites 5/17/14

May 18, 2014
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If you still think having kids is a good idea, today my 2-year-old threw a fit because her Velcro is too loud. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2014 I stopped caring about fashion when…

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Unicorn Bites 12/22/13

December 22, 2013
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Unicorn Bites 12/22/13

A whale can ejaculate 38 pints of semen. Next time you have bad day, remember it was some scuba diver’s job to collect and measure orca jizz — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 22, 2013 It…

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Unicorn Bites 12/15/13

December 15, 2013
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Unicorn Bites 12/15/13

My daughter got a book about eating healthy from a McDonald’s Happy Meal. That’s kind of like getting a lecture on being nice from Al-Qaeda. — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 15, 2013 My kids can’t…

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