Unicorn Bites 9/12/14

4-year-old daughter: These shoes are slippery. They make me fall. Me: Then why do you wear them? 4: They’re pretty. She’s already a woman — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 12, 2014 Me: I told you […]

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Stop Smelling The Sunshine and Watch TV

There’s a new phrase I’m hearing a lot lately, bandied about in conversations between seemingly normal people who couldn’t possibly be normal after uttering such a hideous, awful, pompous, annoying bullshit thing you can say […]

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Sugartastic Daddy John’s Story.

Sugartastic Daddy John was in pensive mood. He didn’t like that there were many tales of Thirsty Dave, Scurvy Jane and Jill Y’s fascination with shoes but very few tales about his bad self. In […]

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Spotlight on Heidi Clements, author of “Welcome to Heidi”

Chapter One Happy Birthday to Mean   “Let’s face it. You’re on the downside of life now,” a friend said to me on my 50th birthday. “You’re basically just careening to the end.”  I stabbed him […]

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Unicorn Bites 5/17/14

If you still think having kids is a good idea, today my 2-year-old threw a fit because her Velcro is too loud. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2014 I stopped caring about fashion when […]

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Unicorn Bites 12/22/13

A whale can ejaculate 38 pints of semen. Next time you have bad day, remember it was some scuba diver’s job to collect and measure orca jizz — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 22, […]

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Unicorn Bites 12/15/13

My daughter got a book about eating healthy from a McDonald’s Happy Meal. That’s kind of like getting a lecture on being nice from Al-Qaeda. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 15, 2013 My […]

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