Unicorn Bites 12/19/13
Alcohol kills germs, so I drink it to sanitize my organs. It’s basically a health food. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 19, 2013 Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set […]
Tag: alcohol
Unicorn Bites 12/14/13
My wife made me try out for our church’s nativity play. I volunteered to be Harry Potter. Guess who earned himself a quiet evening at home. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 14, 2013 […]
Unicorn Bites 11/14/13
3-year-old: Daddy, I don’t want hair that looks like yours. Me: What does my hair look like? 3: Like stupid. She gets her tact from me. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 14, 2013 […]
Unicorn Bites 10/17/13
Wait, liquor commercial, you want me to buy your product AND drink responsibly? One of us clearly doesn’t understand how alcohol works. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2013 I know my wife […]
Unicorn Bites 10/5/13
The eulogy at my funeral will just be an awkward silence before someone finally says, “Well, the important thing is he’s dead. Let’s party.” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 5, 2013 Dear motorcycle […]
A letter to my beer
Dear beer, Thanks for last night. I had such an amazing time with you and your friends. You were incredible. I’m sorry I initially resisted the urge to see you, but deep down I knew […]
Unicorn Bites 9/9/13
In my 3-year-old’s dollhouse, a naked woman, a naked boy, and a tiger are all in the same bed. I assume alcohol was involved. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2013 My wife:“Put […]
The New School Of Bandolier Economics
There’s a simple reason why the economy keeps limping along – people have no spare money. The minimum wage is ridiculously low, big companies like Wal-Mart don’t give workers enough hours, and many well-paid federal […]
The Birthday of Thirsty Dave
Thirsty Dave is a simple yet complex individual. Medical science has yet to disprove that alcohol lives in his veins but those of us who know him, know this to be true. Thirsty’s birthday is […]
