Tag: food
Mummified Meatballs and Other Clueless Cuisine
Most of the time, I hate cooking. It’s a lot of trouble and you have to clean up afterward, which is even more trouble than cooking. Result: a lot of takeout and a lot of […]
Small Plates, Big Problems
I don’t know how it is where you people live, but lately dining out in Los Angeles has made me think that all the restaurants have banded together and decided I’m too fat and are […]
The Secret Fat Diary
I’m fat. I’m not pleasingly plump, womanly or plus sized. I’m fat. F-a-t. Fat. Period. Okay. I am big and beautiful. But that’s as far as I’ll go with the euphemisms. If it weren’t for […]
Don’t Blame The Cake
http://gty.im/165003635 I’m starting to lose my faith in God. I’m starting to believe that there may not be a big smart someone up there guiding me and protecting me because if there were he would […]
Excerpt from “Welcome To Heidi” – I’M STARVING
Two weeks ago, Welcome to Heidi burst onto the scene and proceeded to shake things up in Hollywood and beyond. While the press attention has been unbelievable, the reason so many people “took” to this […]
Man Scrubs Hands For Five Minutes Before Holding Fecally Tainted Phone to Face
Local businessman Michael Peters, ever cognizant of good hygiene, spent a solid 5 minutes washing his hands right after lunch on Wednesday. “My mother instilled a healthy fear of microorganisms in me at an early […]
A Chocolate Lover’s Worst Nightmare
SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK There are a lot of things in the world we like, but could live without. Our favorite TV shows, for instance. Sports teams, coffee (!), videos of cute kittens, even […]
Unicorn Bites 3/4/14
Wife: You don’t understand pregnancy Me: Sure I do. You whine for 10 months & then fire a kid from your baby cannon I’m basically a doctor — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 5, 2014 Girl, […]