Diet Innovation
You know how it goes with diets. You stick with them for a while, but then buckle and crack open that bag of Funyuns. What’s the central problem here? Correct, you don’t really believe in […]
Tag: funny
Learn how to count to seven, using my non-patented dog method
Back in the day, before I was a complete and utter, total loser, I was just a waste of space so yes, dreams do come through. I wouldn’t be one of those dependable people who […]
Unicorn Bites 1/5/14
In my sex tape, my wife says, “Not tonight,” and then I play “Mario Kart” for two hours. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 5, 2014 Me: Please be quiet. I’m trying to hear […]
One of those rare moments where things actually make sense.
It was one o’clock in the morning and Bill Y was thinking. Not a lot goes into this process and not a lot comes out of it. If I was to count the number of […]
Unicorn Bites 1/4/14
There are no awkward silences in my marriage. My wife fills them all with words. So. Many. Words. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 4, 2014 Wife: Am I emotional when I’m pregnant? Me: […]
How This Ends
We’re all wondering how this Duck Dynasty phenomenon is ultimately going to end, right? I think I know the answer. But I’m not talking about the show itself, but what comes afterward. We’re talking the […]
I don’t find answers, I sculpt monuments of solutions.
And so, the inevitable, inevitably happens. The unflappable belief I have in my own brilliance, knows no bounds or so I thought. I know this sounds stupid but what if I’m not perfect? I did […]
Unicorn Bites 1/3/14
I hit my wife’s ass with a wooden spoon in the hope it would lead to sex, but it actually led to a spoon fight that I lost. Marriage is hard — James Breakwell, Exploding […]
You don’t have to call me God but that’s the name on my business card.
The balloon guy couldn’t help notice that it was starting to become a common occurrence. He would do his gig, making animal shapes out of balloons, collect his fee and then he was robbed. When […]
Unicorn Bites 1/2/14
My wife gives our 1-year-old constant love and attention. I gave her the sticker from an orange. Now I’m her favorite parent. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 2, 2014 Sir Mix-a-Lot: "I like […]