Unicorn Bites #517

4-year-old: What happens when you die? Me: You go to heaven. 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 2, 2014 4-year-old: Dad? Me: What? I’m […]

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Unicorn Bites #512

My recent Google searches: How to get glue out of a kid’s eyebrows How to remove glue without removing eyebrows How to replace eyebrows — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 27, 2014 You call it “lazy.” […]

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Unicorn Bites 9/20/14

I don’t care what the vet says. If your dog weighs less than 10 pounds, it’s a cat. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2014 4-year-old daughter: Why don’t you make milk for the baby? […]

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Unicorn Bites 9/10/14

4-year-old: I baked you cookies. Me: Really? Awesome. 4: *hands me imaginary cookies* Me: Kids are an unending source of disappointment. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2014 Wife: Do you know what the best […]

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Unicorn Bites 9/6/14

Some days I’m blown away by how much my 4-year-old knows about the world. Other days I have to explain why she shouldn’t lick random people — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 6, 2014 4-year-old: Will […]

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