The Place to Take a Humor Break
The U.S. Army developed a pizza that stays good for 3 years. Finally, those billions in military spending paid off. Your move, Al Qaeda. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2014 I don’t understand unhappy […]
Wife: Do you want this piece of cheese? I dropped it Me: Are you seriously offering me food off the floor? W: M: W: M: W: M:*eats it* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 18, 2014 […]
3-year-old: There’s a monster in my closet. Me: No, he’s in the pantry. 3: Me: He only eats kids. She’ll never open my Cheetos again. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 17, 2014 I don’t know […]
It’s been 19 days and my boss still hasn’t noticed I changed his email status to “away” and his auto-reply message to “Can’t talk. Pooping.” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 17, 2013 *moves […]
Me: "Let’s go. I’ve got the kid buckled up." Wife: "You mean 'kids,' plural, right?" Me: "I’ll be right back." — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2013 My boss asked me to […]
Boss: What’d you accomplish today? Me: I made the office prettier by showing up B: M: B: M: I didn’t poop my pants B: That’s progress — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 26, 2013 […]
My wife doesn’t think pregnancy makes her crazy. I agreed with her so she would stop screaming and put down the machete. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 15, 2013 When you say, “I […]
The guy who fixed the crack in my windshield was named Chip. Now there’s a man who achieved exactly what was expected of him in life. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 2, 2013 […]
At nineteen, I needed a summer job. One that required no skills. I scoured the employment section of the Star Ledger daily, but saw none meeting this description. I’d been avoiding temp agencies, as flux […]
For years now, my one New Year’s resolution has been to make no resolutions. This year will be different, because I will at least think of some things that ought to be done better in […]