Unicorn Bites 3/23/14
3-year-old daughter: I have 2 boyfriends Me: No, you have 2 friends who are boys 3: I’ll marry them Good luck doing that from the convent — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 23, 2014 I sent […]
Tag: God
In the Gay Old Wintertime
As this long, cold, lonely winter turns into more winter, many are asking, “What the fuck’s going on here?” Well the answer is simple because a winter this extreme can only mean one thing: we have become […]
Unicorn Bites 2/11/14
Coworker: Today was perfect. Me: Was everyone in the office but me eaten by lions? Coworker: No. Me: Then there was room for improvement. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 11, 2014 An Iraqi terrorist in […]
Endless Debate
Recently Bill Nye (The Science Guy) debated Ken Ham, the head of the Creation Museum in Kentucky. The topic of debate was Creationism versus Evolution. Before the debate started Mr. Ham stated: “…the majority of […]
We’re Sleepless In Seattle. But Are We Sexist Too? An Inquiry.
You might have seen the report floating around online. A study from the Public Religion Research Institute found that a full third of all football fans pray directly to God to help out their favorite […]
How This Ends
We’re all wondering how this Duck Dynasty phenomenon is ultimately going to end, right? I think I know the answer. But I’m not talking about the show itself, but what comes afterward. We’re talking the […]
Man Paralyzed and Left For Dead Pretty Sure God Has Special Plan For Him
Atlanta, Georgia resident Robert Fitzsimmons is recovering in an area hospital after awaking from a coma he lapsed into after suffering a brutal beating during a home invasion which also resulted in the malicious deaths […]
Stepdad Tells Baby Jesus to Quit His Crying or He’ll Give Him Something to Cry About
After years of the hearing about all of the things that make the baby Jesus cry, stepfather Joseph has reportedly broken his silence and laid down the law. “Seriously, kid. Crying again? Gay marriage…Violence on […]
So Certain
You know exactly what’s gonna happen to this 80-year old guy, right? He’s going to come back in a future life. And he’ll have a minimum-wage job he hates installing religious billboards for a contractor […]