Candy Rules!
I like candy. And I’m a grownup. So there. Now before you get all up in my Triglyceride grill, I don’t binge on it or eat it all day long. But I sure do […]
Tag: candy
Have You Seen This Bunny? The FBI Needs Your Help
The FBI is looking for this Hare in connection with a grisly murder of a group of health food nuts who have campaigned to have traditional Easter basket treats replaced with healthy food alternatives and […]
Unicorn Bites #589
4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 13, 2015 Anyone who puts in […]
Unicorn Bites #555
Me: Time to get out of bed. 4-year-old: Why? At the end of the day, I’ll just get back in it. Me: 4: Me: *goes back to bed* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 9, 2014 […]
Unicorn Bites 9/13/14
4-year-old: These taste funny. Me: They’re not candy. They’re decorative soaps. 4: Me: STOP EATING THEM. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 13, 2014 Me: Be good and I’ll give you a Fudgsicle 4-year-old: Give me […]
Unicorn Bites 9/5/14
4-year-old: Can we trade in the baby for a dolphin? Me: No. 4: But a dolphin can do way more tricks! She makes a valid point. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 5, 2014 Me: Did […]
Unicorn Bites 7/5/14
Baby: *makes a horrific snarling grimace that looks like she’s going to eat my soul* My wife: Aww, she’s smiling. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 5, 2014 Cop: Do you know why I pulled you […]
Unicorn Bites 6/22/14
[in church] Me: Stop crying or I’ll take you outside. 2-year-old: *keeps crying* Me: *takes her outside* *gives her $1* *opens Twitter* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 22, 2014 4-year-old: I’m fighting sharks in space! […]
Unicorn Bites 6/15/14
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 15, 2014 4-year-old: Do you want to hear how loud I can […]