Unicorn Bites 5/1/14
3-year-old: Why’d you shave your beard? Me: I’m a rugged, independent man who bucks trends & craves change. 3: Did Mom make you? Me: Yes. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 1, 2014 I’m not addicted […]
Tag: candy
Unicorn Bites 4/23/14
Me: Can I have some of your candy? 3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: Deal. Wife: NO! — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 23, 2014 Teenager: How fast were […]
Sushi Desserts and the Zombie Apocalypse
American Dessert SUSHI DESSERTS INGREDIENTS 1 12 ounce bag white chocolate chips 1 ½ cups Rice KrispiesTM 5 Fruit Roll UpsTM 5 Swedish FishTM 5 TwizzlersTM or Red VinesTM no-stick spray PREPARATION – CANDY MIX […]
Unicorn Bites 3/18/14
I drink in moderation, but I define “moderation” as “not quite enough to kill me.” — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 18, 2014 A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, […]
Unicorn Bites 2/21/14
What my kids use as a trampoline: 1) the couch 2) the bed 3) me if I lie down What they don’t use as a trampoline: 1) our trampoline — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 21, […]
Unicorn Bites 2/3/14
Me: *changes 1-year-old’s poopy diaper* Wife: How bad was it? Does she need a new outfit? Me: We need a new house. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 3, 2014 Me: I’m going to turn you […]
To a Piece of Fruit
(Sung to the tune of “My Darling Clementine”) Refrain Little round fruit, Little round fruit, Little fruit called Clementine You are sour To devour But you’re healthy, Clementine Verse 1 Saw the doctor And he […]
Halloween: Life Lessons in Costumes and Candy
Some people believe that Halloween is merely an opportunity to dress up and get free Reese’s. But if you dig a little deeper, it’s clear there’s so much more going on. Halloween can bring parents […]
The Good Things Store
Jill Y and I, may not be the greatest parents that the world has never awarded an accolade but we’re definitely not as bad as the parents who allowed their kid to starve to death […]