Unicorn Bites 11/18/13
3-year-old: Let’s play zombies Me: OK 3: You’re the dad zombie, I’m the mom zombie & this is the baby She tricked me into playing house — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 18, 2013 […]
Tag: husbands
Unicorn Bites 11/8/13
3-year-old: “What’s the opposite of a horse?” Me: “I have no idea.” 3: “A taco!” Kids are basically random word generators. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 8, 2013 When Jennifer Aniston cuts her […]
Unicorn Bites 11/4/13
Me: Will you ever stop loving me? Wife: I didn't know I ever started. Then we high-fived and went back to not speaking to each other. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 4, 2013 […]
Unicorn Bites 10/25/13
My wife wants me to be prepared for emergencies, but then she gets mad when I stock up on ammo to kill zombies. Make up your mind, woman. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October […]
Unicorn Bites 10/24/13
Wife: *glares* "Do you think you’re funny?" Me: "Yes." W: M: W: Me: "I mean no." W: M: "How many guesses do I get?" — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 24, 2013 “Daddy, why […]
Unicorn Bites 10/21/13
Most of my parenting involves hearing a loud noise in the other room and shouting, “What happened?” Getting up is for amateurs. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 21, 2013 People are more important […]
A Curse From The Other Book Of Genesis
My wife and I are bowling. Despite my best efforts at sly, psychological tricks (“Do you inhale or exhale before you release the ball?”) I lost the last game by three. But I’m up by […]
Friday Humor Devotional
Dear Lord, please forgive my caffeine deprived British husband for his brief lapse in judgment when he pulled over and asked an overweight South Carolina Sheriff, “Excuse me, and don’t take this the wrong way, […]
Unicorn Bites 9/12/13
A group of wolves is called a pack. A group of geese is called a gaggle. A group of skanks is called a sorority. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 12, 2013 Wife: What’re […]
Friday Humor Devotional
Dear Lord, please forgive my well-meaning husband for interrupting (via call waiting) a very important phone conversation with Donna to ask me if I needed anything from Tractor Supply. As much as I appreciate his […]